Hello. Today I am explaining why I am writing a blog. I’m not sure why I am doing this on the internet, but it seems to be of the time. I used to be an avid journal writer and in many ways I still am, but now it seems I should use a typewriter. Moleskin journals are truly wonderful, though.

I got up this morning and read a few of the blogs I know of. I have a friend who is running for Mrs. Utah. I have a friend who writes about how wonderful her family is. I have a friend who is starting her own company. I have a friend who is stick thin and after having a baby will go back down to being a stick. I felt defeated. I have a babysitter who comes so I can workout and yet I can’t lose the last 20 lbs. (It may have to do with creme brulee french toast, but I’m not sure.) I can’t seem to keep my house clean and I actually pay someone to clean it sometimes. (Right now, I have no idea where my broom is.) I am surrounded by bills I need to pay and people I need to call and by the end of the day I will feel as though I have accomplished nothing. I eat meat, although i was once a vegetarian. I do not leave my husband love notes, although I was just scuba certified for him. That is the true sign of love.

I am a licensed attorney but I have never practiced law. I throw parties. Kevin comes home and tells me that someone needs a bridal shower, a baby shower, a retirement party and I buy appropriately themed paper products and I throw a huge party. I should have majored in something like that in school. I don’t write in my journal regularly but I am up to date in my hostess planner book.

In college, I was slightly liberal. I say slightly because I am LDS and therefore can’t be truly liberal by default. I did not burn my bra, pierce odd parts of my body or get a tattoo. I don’t believe in free sex or single parenting by choice. At the same time, I was into camping and recycling and women’s issues and making the world a better place. I was an English major and really got into interpreting literature. At the same time, I never left the house without makeup unless I was jogging and I even wore mascara when camping. I wore a lot of men’s clothes, but also had a form fitting red dress that made men never forget that I’m a woman…

Now I have flipped. I get my nails done, but I will leave with only mascara on or in sweats on my way to the gym. I will go shopping after working out because I have limited no kids time. I go camping so my kids have the experience but not to enjoy the nature and I read more chick lit than literature lately. (I need to be able to pick up a book and read for 10 minutes at a time. Plot cannot be crucial.) I have thought a lot about who I am lately due to the fact that an old friend passed away. I sometimes wonder if people who knew me 10 years ago would know me still or if I was really all that different back then. I have always taken pride in how I look, tried to work out, wrote during available time, and enjoyed traveling. I have always tried to help people when I can and I used to invite people over to watch X-files every week. I guess who I am hasn’t really changed, just circumstances. I know the person I was 10 years ago would never have thought I would be doing what I am doing or living how I am living. I am glad to be where I am, though.

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