You can’t make this up.

Ok. So Kevin has a dental assistant we’ll call Katie because that is her name and sometimes, as Louise Plummer taught me, the name of the guilty should not be changed. She has worked for Kevin for about 3 years. She went off to school at BYU Idaho last fall and we had pretty much given her the money for her tuition. She met a guy there and after dating three different guys at the same time in Idaho and having a boyfriend still in Montana, she decided to marry Nate after leaving Idaho and talking to him exclusively on the phone for a week. She is 18 and he is 29. He graduated and stayed in Rexburg managing a plasma donation place. That is where they met. She was a regular plasma donor; but in college, weren’t we all?

OK. So Kevin now thinks she is nuts but still likes her so I offer to buy her wedding pictures as the wedding gift and then I can see my friend Sarah (who is the most awesome photographer ever and everyone should hire her). I was so grateful when Kevin’s dad paid for our pictures, that I wanted to do the same for her. She was going to have her future sister-in-law take the pictures because she had taken a photography class. Kevin then informed me I needed to throw her wedding shower. Members of the office were throwing the obligatory kinky one and I would be throwing the church/family/friends one.

I throw the greatest bridal shower on the planet. I decorate with pink and brown and rings. I make breakfast for everyone. We had a Pampered Chef party because Katie wanted one. She wanted a traditional party because she had never been to a bridal shower before, so we played stupid games and I gave as prizes chocolate and romance novels. I was entertaining and hospitable and Katie walked away with $400 worth of Pampered Chef. She said thank you but her mother said nothing.

So Katie was supposed to give a presentation at the office Wednesday although she was getting married Friday. She knew her wedding day and the presentation day and said ok a couple weeks earlier. Tuesday night, we get a call from Nate, the fiance. Katie’s mom, Kerri, called him and said Katie was stressed and he should call Kevin. So he did.

Nate told Kevin that he should be nicer to her, let her off the hook with the presentation and make sure we paid her for the week she watched our kids. He said that really stressed her out. Ok. Now. She is the 3rd of 13. Her parents adopted a bunch of kids after they had 5. She takes care of the youngest ones all the time. Her parents take vacations all the time and she is in charge. I came home to a disaster. NO LAUNDRY had been done for the whole week and the minute we walked in the door, she took off. Her brothers and sisters had been at our house often and our kids had been at her house often. I’m not sure what was stressful.

So Kevin said he didn’t know what Nate was talking about and Nate said , “You better be nice to Katie or my dad and brother will come up there.” (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?)

Kevin said, “Look. You have no legal rights with Katie right now. You are just the boyfriend and I shouldn’t be talking to you anyhow.”

Nate: “Fine. I’ll talk to you on Friday.” (The day of the wedding.)

Although we had been invited to the wedding ceremony, we, alas, did not go. Sarah and I got there before the end of the wedding and waited for everyone to come out. Nate walked out and came to my shoulders. The shallow part of me was really, really happy. Sarah agreed; we could have taken him down.

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