Beautiful Sleep

I am tired. I am always tired. I can sleep 16 hours and wake up tired. I no longer say, I’m tired, because it should be understood. Kevin does not understand why I am tired. I am going to explain it and see if you can understand it.

I am taking chemo meds which tell me to not operate heavy machinery because it may cause drowsiness or dizziness. Now in my mind heavy machinery is not a car. it is more a forklift or crane. i can be a taxi driver, but not a construction worker. I know a car is heavy; i can’t lift it, but weightlifters can pull them. i have never seen a tv show where a weightlifter has pulled a crane. perhaps i need more than basic cable. a crane is, therefore, heavy machinery.

I am taking other meds which also tell me that i may be dizzy or drowsy when taking them. When combined with the other stuff, I’m sure something is making me sleepy.

I have a 7yr old, 3 yr old and 20 month old. whenever i tell people this, they ask if i am tired. so during the day i am yelling at them and at night i sometimes find myself staying up late because it is quiet. i can have 4 hours of quiet time if i stay up til midnight. nights i go to bed at 10, seth will wake up and cry. i may not go get him, but it doesn’t mean i haven’t woken up.

i feel as though i take uppers and downers. i drink a diet coke in the morning and a tea that is supposed to comfort me before bed. i got nitrus at the dentist and hadn’t felt so relaxed in months. I would like some installed by my bed. just to help me fall asleep at night. and stay asleep. until 2011.

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