If you had asked me 10 years ago where I would be, I’m not sure what I would have said, but I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be here. This morning I called my husband to find out where my keys were. They were in my purse. He drove the car last night, but I guess I put the keys in my purse. I have no recollection of that. When I said to him, “I guess I’m losing it,” he said, “you have been for about 3 months.” I thanked him for his support.
At the same time, I remember to put the car keys in the carry-on bag instead of the suitcase so that we have keys if they lose our luggage. I remember diapers, pull-ups, clothes for 3, toys, bottles, sippy cups, and medicine. So my memory must be ok still. I did forget my parent teacher conference for Kath’s preschool but I remembered cupcakes for her graduation. I was the only one who brought sugar to the montessori graduation, by the way. The closest other sugar was mango bars. The cupcakes were gone in 2 seconds and some kids cried I hadn’t made enough.
We went on vacation with James and left Kath and Seth and it has taken 2 weeks of work for one week of “vacation.” I took a week to do laundry and get everything ready for my friend to watch the youngest two. I grocery shopped; I even got new windshield wipers. I tried very hard to do everything I could to make it easier for her. Now I am home and I am unpacking and doing laundry and packing and sorting so we can move out to the lake. I hate it. I hate housework. I don’t understand how I ended up here. I never thought about marriage and children because I was never sure it would happen. (And those of you who knew me in college and hung out with the guys I dated understand this comment. Although they were all lovely people.) I have three degrees. I’m not sure that is the background of someone planning on having their day taken up so much by toilets – cleaning them, making sure boys aim for them, wiping bums over them, closing them so no one plays in them… I used to be careful how I flushed them in public (do not touch the handle) and now I just want them flushed. I used to go camping and hiking and visit in the sierra’s of Mexico and could squat pee on demand. Now after 3 pregnancies, I only pee when I don’t want to.
So now what? I am a stay at home mom whose kids don’t listen to her and yet they still talk to each other like she talks to them which makes her cringe at times and reminds her to lower voice and use please and thank you and be more patient.
Perhaps this is why I like to read so much. I get to escape into another world… Possibly a world I thought I would be living in. Like the Sookie Stackhouse novels. Possibly I would be living with vampires, were-things, fairies, and other “supers”. I’m sure I would be a waitress in a bar in Louisiana if I had never met Kevin. Yeah, THAT is the life my background prepared me for.