I’m sitting at my kitchen table at 11 am, having not showered yet. My daughter is in the shower and my son is in the bath although he is screaming he wants to get out. I am sitting here trying to decide if I want to wash my hair today or just add a bunch of gel to it and tell everyone it is on purpose.
I went to book club last night. It’s an interesting experience for me. I don’t believe I am taken seriously AT ALL there and it has caused me to reflect. In college, I did my fair share of hanging out with “intellectuals” or at least people who would like to be considered intellectuals. I was an English major, after all. I could give a feminist interpretation of any book on the market. Aah, the glory days. I don’t do that now. I read classics, history, biographies, and trash. I don’t interpret any of them. I take them at face value and move on. Half the time, I don’t remember what they are about. The book club reads good, deep books. Every once in a while, something light gets in, but not often. I make good comments, but mostly I make everyone laugh.
Last night was the book exchange that happens every January. When my package was picked, it was commented that they would like something light to read. I had picked two books – Bringing Home the Birkin and The Liar’s Club. I loved the Birkin book and it was passed around, but I put the Liar’s book in so that mine wasn’t the only light book in the room. So while I don’t feel taken seriously, I do feel as though they like me. I notice the room gets quiet while I tell a story and suddenly everyone is listening. Perhaps I am really loud, but I don’t think that is the only reason. They especially enjoyed my tales of Barry. (I highly recommend Bringing Home the Birkin, by the way. Made me want a $20,000 purse.)
So it seems as though my perception of myself is an either or. I am either pseudo intellectual or I am taken lightly as the humorous one. I think it may be the curse of the stay at home mom to wonder if she can be taken seriously while not being “out in the world.” At pottery class, I stated my occupation as a stay at home mom with my eyes down on the table. I realized I don’t see my education as helping me right now and that I am constantly looking for greener grass. My new years resolution is to change this aspect. I have decided to believe that you would have to be extremely intelligent to have my sense-of-humor and to dress my children as I do.
Or I need to learn to just not give a damn.