Diva-licious

I have decided to be a Domestic Diva.  Now you may say:  “Marianne, please, please tell me how to be a domestic diva.”  I will tell you how I did it.  I just wrote down that I decided to be one and so now I am.  Try it.

So now when I do laundry, I can do it with a flair and it is ok if I ruin some clothes because I am a Domestic Diva and Diva’s can ruin clothes.  If I don’t feel like cooking dinner, it is ok because I am a Domestic Diva and Diva’s don’t often cook.  If I would rather read than clean my house, it is ok, because I am a Domestic Diva and Diva’s can do whatever the hell they please.

AND because I’m a Diva, everything I do is perfect.  I cleaned out the garage today perfectly.  Even if I left everything that was in the middle of the garage untouched and only cleaned the edges, those edges are cleaned perfectly.  I washed a load of laundry today perfectly.  And in 2 days when I realize I never put the wash in the dryer, I will rewash it perfectly.

Everything I buy is also because as a Diva, I am allowed to buy whatever I want as long as it is sold at Target or the local grocery store.  However, I am allowed to venture out at times, as Divas often due.  Today, I decided to buy new sheets for the condo and I decided to buy them at Macy’s and not Target.  Everyone talks about wonderful sheets and I have never had any.  Due to not wanting to know what was used during the birth of someone else’s child in my condo, I, as a Diva, decided to buy new sheets.  I am going to find out what 400 thread count feels like.  And I will do so perfectly.

And next week, when I go through every inch of the house cleaning it before we move out to the lake so when we come back I am not coming back to a disaster, I will throw away whatever I want to no matter how useful the thing may be, because I am a Diva who may be sick of putting things where they go and may just want to throw it away.  And in anticipation of this event, I bought black trash bags you can’t see through so that my UnDiva-like husband cannot see through the bag and figure out that I am getting rid of perfectly good shampoo because half of it was used to clean a bike and that is why we have four dead spots in our lawn and I am not putting it away because the garbage can is right next to me and that is why the shampoo is going in there and not back in the bathroom.  That is perfectly reasonable.  Because I am a Domestic Diva.

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