I have no nose hair. It wasn’t by choice, mind you, but now I understand why nose hair is so very, very important. I am constantly wiping my nose and when I went swimming today, I could have used some extra nose hair to stop the water from going up there.
Now, dear reader, I understand that you may be confused how a person could be without nose hair and be completely without blame for this. That is why I am here. I am here to experience these things and then share them with you. After all, charity begins with me.
There is a salon in Salt Lake City that I LOVE. They are very eccentric and boisterous and hip. I found them by accident when I needed my nails done and walked in. Rena, (she is from the Netherlands) took one look at me and said, “Juan can help you with that.” Juan is the hair stylist. He is from Mexico City. When he says your name, you flutter your eyelashes. It is an automatic response. It’s like sneezing when you are around dust.
The “that” Rena was talking about was my hair, lashes, eyebrows, and general makeup application. Juan gave me an amazing cut, and Rena fixed my eyebrows. She let me know that I now looked less tired and less like a 50 year old. She then sold me some eye shadow, sparkly clips and shiny earrings. I left feeling like a million bucks and received more compliments than I ever have.
Since then, when I am in town and feeling lonely and unfulfilled, I go to the salon. When I leave, I look incredible, feel incredible, and know I could rule the world if I didn’t have to take care of a bunch of ungrateful kids.
This last time I went in, I decided to get hair extensions and have my brows done. Lena did a great job with my brows and then looked at me for a moment. She let me know that she had forgotten something, leaned back the chair, and ten seconds later, I had no nose hair in one nostril. Well, I couldn’t have nose hair in only one nostril, so now I have none. I’m not sure how long it takes to grow back. Hopefully I will have more before allergy season.
I still love the salon. When I left, I was convinced no one should have nose hair, but I think I am over that. I think I will have Rena stick with my brows, but buy every accessory she says is truly “Me.” And then come home and show Kevin how truly amazing I look and how much more he loves me with long flowing hair and sparkly jewels. Before he sees the bill.