How to Decorate for Thanksgiving and be the Envy of the Neighborhood


I have been trying to find a way to decorate for Thanksgiving.  I don’t want to do much because I don’t really like Thanksgiving decorations and it is only up for three weeks before the five bins of commercialized Christmas décor comes out.  I don’t want to have to put much away (because these xmas bins are HUGE.)
So this year, I thought, maybe I should do something unique.  I should do something to represent the state I live in.  I should get a live turkey and put it in my front yard.  (I’m sure that was what everyone else was thinking I should do as well.)  I started to look into it.
I knew I would need a cage, but I didn’t want a small one.  It would make me sad seeing a live Turkey in a tiny cage in the middle of my yard.  I thought I would get one of those metal ones my neighbor has for her yorkie.  It is almost like a child gate, but metal and bigger.  I know turkeys don’t fly, but I think I have seen a few jump, so I may have to wire two of them together.  I have never seen a turkey jump over a wooden house fence, so I figured this would do.  Never mind that I have never seen a turkey in a neighborhood with wooden fences, but I still thought my reasoning was sound.
I then thought about the food.  I shouldn’t have a problem there.  I live half a mile from a ranch super store that sells poultry every spring.  Live poultry.  Live baby poultry.  You know, chicks and ducklings and stuff.  Just to make sure you know what this live baby poultry is for, they label each animal with the best way to cook it after it has matured.  The cutest chicks every year, hands down, are good for stews.
I also thought of the poop issue.  I can’t get my 3 ½ year old to use a toilet, so I was pretty sure I would have no control over this issue with a live turkey.  I decided to not think about this problem.  (Which is how I am handling the same issue with my 3 ½ yr old.)
And finally how would I get a live turkey?  I thought I could call my friend Cathy who lives on a ranch.  She owns over 56 billion acres.  There has GOT to be a turkey somewhere on her land.
I had all my bases covered.  I was going to have the greatest Thanksgiving lawn ornament EVER and then we could eat it for Thanksgiving.  Perfect.  But then a neighbor reminded me that I live in the Helena city limits and there are laws about these things.  I’m not supposed to have livestock or farm animals in my yard.  I argued that it would be classified as a lawn ornament.  She didn’t agree.  I then told her it was a holiday decoration, thinking this would appeal to the side of her that puts so many Christmas decorations out that you can’t actually see the lawn.  She still didn’t agree.  I told her I would give her all the white meat.  She said that the manure on the lawn would cause a health hazard.  I asked her what would happen if there was no manure on the lawn.  She looked at me like I was insane and walked away.
So now I have no Thanksgiving decorations.  I have decided to look ahead to Christmas, however.  Now if I could just figure out how to get live reindeer to stay on my roof, I will be in business.

One response to “How to Decorate for Thanksgiving and be the Envy of the Neighborhood

  1. Hilarious. I'm sure your neighbours are relieved. As for the turkey? He might have been relieved he survived the holiday. Leanne

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