I am sitting in a café across from a woman writing her Christmas cards. I don’t write Christmas cards. I send out approximately 100. I am seeing how many I get back this year. If it isn’t 100, I will be sending less next year. I really appreciate the cards I get that have been written by hand. Perhaps next year I will write a couple. At the same time, this website is my heartfelt letter to you all. Accept it and feel special.
She told her co-worker to look in the office and he replied, “I did. You are awesome.” She looked so happy and smug about what she had done nice for her co-workers. That is when I decided to get a part time job at a local store. I want a family outside my own that I can do nice things for. But then I started to get depressed and wondered if this was her only family in town and how she wanted to do something nice for someone at Christmas and this was her opportunity. Then I started thinking I wasn’t giving her much credit and maybe she came from a huge family and it was ingrained in her that she should do nice things for everyone and this was part of it. But then I thought how overwhelming that would be and I started to feel sorry for her again. Then I thought maybe I was thinking about this complete stranger a little too much.
So I have a family in town that I do nice stuff for and I really shouldn’t want to get a job just for that reason. Maybe I want the job so that the people I do nice things for actually appreciate it and thank me. If I bake my children a cake, they have been known to complain it was white instead of chocolate or rectangular instead of round. (Maybe this was just me as a child complaining. Round cakes were two layer and therefore had that layer of frosting to separate the cake. I like frosting. Note to self: may be why you are on Weight Watchers.) Now before you judge me and say that I should be teaching my children gratitude, my children are very thankful to teachers, friends, and strangers who give them candy. I am just the tall redhead who feeds them and clothes them and yells at them regularly. Perhaps they aren’t grateful for the cake because they had to eat five whole beans in order to get a piece of white, rectangular, single layer cake. I think those beans take out all possible ‘thank you’s.’ Maybe I’ll make them eat only four.
Even without the special Christmas treats and gratitude, I sometimes think it would be fun to have a job at a local shop. There is a bookstore that would be fun to work in. Everyone goes there. Then I would get to know the whole community and when I walk down the street I could say hi to everyone I meet without looking like a freak. Or perhaps I just need to not listen to as many Christmas songs because I know one of them tells you to say hi to everyone you meet.
I also think it would be nice to spend four or so hours a day only worried about a book that is or is not in stock, where a certain book is, and if, I shiver to think of it, a shelf is not alphabetized correctly. I think that sounds more relaxing than the thought that three small people depend on me with their LIVES. Or something like that. I may be going over board. But if Christmas isn’t the time to go overboard, what time is?