“Creative Writers Wanted”

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine forwarded this want ad to me:

Writer in Helena, Montana
A growing US company is looking for a Writer that can deliver fun, witty and creative content. This person will start off working on a part time basis, but the workload has the potential to quickly increase. The hours will be flexible, but the writer will be required to meet deadlines. Competive Compensation . …Duties Include: Blog Entry Message Creation Profile Creation Requirements: Writing skills and experience (Witty, creative writers preferred). Flexible hours Good time management Computer savvy. Have access to a computer with a reliable internet connection. If you are interested, please contact us: HR Director : hr@virtualdatingassistants.com Please use Creative Writer Needed In your Subject Line

I thought this sounded interesting so I looked into it.  Virtual Dating Assistants helps people who are too busy find someone to date.  Someone else writes your personal ad and then writes emails to people who chose you or who you chose.  You don’t actually have to do any communication with your romantic interest until you actually see them.  It’s like a Cyrano De Bergerac for the busy.  I read an article where they wrote that there have been some problems when people meet and they don’t sound anything like their emails.

Part of me really wants to apply for this job.  I think it would be great fun to be someone else for a little while and to flirt with a complete stranger for a couple weeks.  Innocent flirting is a lost art form.  I think Joey from Friends killed it with: “How you doin’?” and expecting that to carry him to a long lasting relationship.

And they are asking for creative writers.  “You sound really great on your personal ad.  I forgot to add that I am actually a Vampire who can fly jets during the day because the sun’s rays don’t affect me unless I am touching the ground with at least one foot.  I can do a handstand during the day as well.  It has to be a foot for the sun to affect me in a negative way, like death.  Your skin looks so pale in your picture, which I must say is a huge turn on for a person in my position.  Do you like to fly?  I fly to Italy every other week and would love to take you with me.  If you don’t like forward or career women, I would like you to know that when I am in my bat form, I am really meek and follow the pack.”  I could really get into this.

I do not believe I will be applying, however.  It would drive me nuts because there would never be closure for me.  I would want to know how the date went and if there was a connection and how different my voice is compared to who showed up.  I would want the date to be a reality show for me, no one else, just me. I mean, this is my baby; I should be able to see it through. I would want to know if they ended up getting married and could I go to the wedding and when he heard my voice and my undeniably brilliant wit, would he leave his bride at the alter and confess undying love for me?  How awkward would that be because Kevin would be next to me and he would feel as though he had to defend my honor and then there would be a bloody brawl and I might get my really nice skirt stained.

So I won’t apply, but you should feel free.  (and tell me about it)

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8 responses to ““Creative Writers Wanted”

  1. I wish blogs had a ‘like’ button. I especially like the ‘creative’ section with hand standing vampires. I would TOTALLY want you writing dating blogs for me. I don’t know why you don’t just go for it…seeing Kevin defend your honor in a bloody battle COULD be one of the most interesting things I’ve ever whitnessed. Somehow Kevin and ‘punch-you-in-the-face’ just don’t match up…but for you…I’m sure he would.

    • He might not be able to punch out a tooth, but maybe he could pull one out… (Kevin is a dentist)

  2. Trish Loye Elliott

    Hilarious! I think you should do it anyway. I’d love to see what responses you get to the vampire story (maybe a werewolf who’s only a little hairy?).
    Funny stuff!

    • I think the werewolf thing would work really well for singles who like hairy men. I wonder how much they pay…

  3. I still think you should apply. I can already see a spin off book: Who Did You Think You Were Dating? The Tales of A Personal Ad Writer…

  4. I agree with the others – go for it and let it be the basis for a novel! I’ve already cast Rachel McAdams in the role of “you”.

  5. I’m with you – I’d need the closure.

    Although, I would think the vampire would prefer a rosy complexioned person – more blood flow and perfect for those midnight snacks.

    • Maybe I should apply… I usually do what I am told. And so many people think I should, that maybe I will. Unless they google me and find this post…

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