Now I know that my life is not the worst one out there. My next-door neighbor may have it worse. I understand this. But the great guru of all knowledge, Ally McBeal, was once asked what makes her problems so huge and her response was: “Because they are happening to me.”
So someone may read how I have my 20 year high school reunion coming up and I have worse acne now than I did 20 years ago and think that I am petty and self-centered, but because it is happening to me, it is a big deal to me.
Now something bigger is happening at the moment. Something I won’t really go into for legal reasons… because it is a legal problem, which makes it worse because if I learned anything in law school, it is that legal problems terrify me.
I realize my life will be ok after this problem is solved. I realize that my life is basically ok now. I also realize, however, that because this is happening to me, I have an overwhelming desire to toilet paper Mr. M’s home. He caused this. I can honestly say that I am innocent in this whole situation but because Mr. M is a jerk, my life has added stress in it. And therefore, his house should be toilet papered and if this coming Halloween, you are wondering where your teenagers should toilet paper, call me and I will give you an address. My plan is to pretend that I am too mature to do the TPing myself but I may hire it out.
Where was I? Ah, yes, my life is not ending. I may gain some weight, due to the fact that I just realized that if you put a 3 Musketeers between two oatmeal raisin cookies, it creates a little piece of heaven, or I might lose some weight because that sugar high has made me really, really sick and I only got to eat half of it and I may use this added stress as an excuse to buy a different Papa Murphy’s pizza every night this week because I hate cooking and now I am too stressed to cook, I will make it through this time. But I will be telling myself that it isn’t THAT bad every half hour until this is over.
Because it is happening to me.