Stress Test

I’m supposed to write today.  I made a goal at the beginning of the year to write three times a week so that I could develop a readership, have a platform, write something significant and life changing and make enough money to buy an island where I don’t have to talk to people I think are creepy.

I found this picture when googling 'stress.' I don't get it but I'm too stressed to care.

The problem is that I don’t want to write anything.  I am really stressed out right now and so it is hard to think of anything to write about or to really and truly care.  I have notes of topics that I keep so that when I am burned out or it’s a day I said I would write, I would have something to say.  The other day my son said to me: “I believe piranhas are misunderstood.”  There is a lot of material there.  Or how the same son was watching TV intently and I looked and saw blood all over the screen.  I asked, “What ever are you watching dear son?”

Him: “Surviving animal attacks.”

Me: “And what animal are they attacking?”

Him: “Elephants.”

I thought – well this is helpful – I said: “And how do you survive that?”

Him: “Go to the hospital, mainly.”

There is some good material there (mostly about questioning my mothering abilities because I just shrugged and let him finish the hour long show of watching people being attacked by animals.)

I have been getting out this week – the first week of the month is book club and bunko and so I have been making jokes and laughing, but really I’m just incredibly stressed and losing myself in books and TV so that I don’t have to face life.  I have kept up on laundry and the dishes but I haven’t fed my kids well and I haven’t done much with them unless you count forcing them to do homework and play the piano.

My husband can let stress roll off him.  I can’t.  I can not think about something through deadening of the senses through endless episodes of Beverly Hills 90210 – and I just found a great series called Justified which is on FX and therefore, I guess, it can use stronger language but right now I want to use stronger language but because I am a refined lady I don’t.  I just watch it on TV.  Anyhow, I can deaden senses, but once I have to do something again, the stress is there.  I can sing at the top of my voice and I can Zumba until I puke but the stomachache is always there and the desire to curl up into a little ball or run back to college where stress was a 10 page paper and whether Stan would ask me out is never far behind.

So I really don’t want to write right now and I am having a very hard time finding the silver lining.  Luckily, two hours of BH 90210 starts in 10 minutes.

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4 responses to “Stress Test

  1. Yikes. I’m great with low-level stress, but I absolutely shut down with high-level stress.

    Enjoy the escapism. And put away the mother guilt: at least your child is parked in front of something educational. Mine just sit open mouthed in front of Sponge Bob…

  2. It sounds like you have all of the diversional bases covered. If you get really desperate there’s always the Daytime shows…

    • Beverly Hills 90210 is on during the day. With a bag of M&M’s, I can forget almost everything…

  3. Pingback: Comedy of Errers

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