So a friend of mine is visiting right now and it has been very nice. We laugh about how each of our lives are not exactly where we thought they would be (she married an artist and could have sworn she would be wearing a beret in Paris and not killing scorpions in New Mexico). We both live in situations where we compare ourselves with others and always come up short. Her neighbors are all artists and philanthropists right now and believe that canned spaghetti is made in hell and if you eat it, you will go there. My neighbors cook for their kids and when their kids tell them they are hungry do not answer, “can’t you reach the crackers?” So we talk about how ridiculous we are being and laugh really hard at the expectations we have for ourselves and the unfulfilled dreams we once had that wouldn’t have happened even if we made different choices because Castle GraySkull doesn’t actually exist so there is no way I could have become She-Ra. But part of me still holds out.
Every once in a while you need a friend to stay in your house that you spend two days cleaning so that it doesn’t look like anyone under the age of 21 lives there to let you know that you can be ridiculous at times. I am slowly realizing that the feeling of being overwhelmed is completely and totally self-imposed and I can calm it down. Until I realize that my child only knows only 18 of 26 sight words and then I feel overwhelmed again. I think it is a constant battle; the overwhelming battle. You can become overwhelmed over that, but I won’t.
Instead I will blame those feelings on the fact that I never ate birthday cake sitting on a kitchen table while wearing a bridesmaid dress with a guy who drives a Porsche (does anyone know his name? Did he have a name?).