What to say if you meet a Vampire

In case anyone was wondering, I have not joined the Y.  Turns out it is more expensive because of the age of my kids so I am back to figuring it out.

And now for more important matters:

Next week there is a chance I may see a vampire from Twilight next week.  I could say it is about a 20% chance.  That isn’t great but today I am at 0% so it is a 20% improvement.  I’ll take it.

I have convinced a few friends to go with me to an event one might show up at and then we are going to go eat Thai food so no matter what, it will be a successful evening.

I have come up with a few lines to use around him.  Please let me know which one has the highest likelihood to let him know I am an amazing BFF without making him wonder if he should call the police.

1. “Oh my, this light makes my skin look so SPARKLY”  -I plan on wearing my Body Shop Satsuma sparkling body lotion.  If I were to say this and my skin wasn’t actually sparkling, I would sound like an idiot.

2.  “My husband is a dentist.  Can I see your canines?”

3.  Non-chalantly cut myself and say “Oh my gosh, I’m BLEEDING.”  (I’m thinking I should only use this line if I find the vampire good-looking in case he comes running over and starts sucking on the cut.  And if he is good-looking, I can overlook the fact that some completely insane man is sucking on my finger because he isn’t actually a vampire.)

4.  “Hey, I’m a stay-at-home Mormon mom who is writing a book.  Knowing someone like me has worked for you before…”

5.  While pointing out the window –“Is that a wolf? Run for your lives.”  Actually, I think I could get away with this, living in Montana.

6.  “I bet I can run faster than you.  Ready…  GO”  (I don’t plan on actually running.  Just watching him.)

7.  “You look so strong.  Try and pick me up.  Come on.  Try.”  (I plan on losing 25 lbs in the next week.)

8. “Don’t you just want to smack Bella  sometimes?”

9.  “Fork you.”  This can be said if I become angry because none of the other lines have worked.

10.  “Could you sign my neck?”

So let me know if you like any of these or if you have thought of a better one.  I googled the guy to see what he actually looks like and there is a high liklihood I will not recognize him without contacts, body powder and a really bad wig, so none of this may matter.  I plan on making something up no matter what, anyway.

This picture makes me feel like they are disappointed in something I did. Or am going to do.

2 responses to “What to say if you meet a Vampire

  1. I’ll pay you a bright shiny quarter to say #8. I’d even try to make it a Montana quarter–though I make no guarantees.

  2. So did you recognize him and ask for your neck autograph or any of the above?

    I was going to suggest that you order garlic chicken just in case things got out of hand but I realize that the event has probably already taken place.

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