I hate running. I really really really really really hate it. Words cannot describe how much I do not enjoy lifting my legs faster than a walk. I used to jog occasionally and then I got a college degree and realized I hate it and stopped.
But I decided to do a triathlon and that’s part of it. So I’m running. A lot.
Last Saturday, a few friends drove down to Butte for a 5k. The three of them are hilarious. I thought the car ride down and lunch would be a riot. (it was) I blocked out the fact the reason for the trip was the 5k. And then we got there and it was cold and windy and hardly anyone ran so I couldn’t blend in with the other pathetic runners. I was the lone pathetic runner; besides some teenagers who stopped running half way and walked. I think their parents made them go because it was crappy weather and no one was going to show up.
I made it through the 5k. I came in second in my age group. There were two of us.
When I run, I suffer from severe lack of oxygen, which causes massive delusions on my part. So when I was asked, right after the race, if I would like to go with some other friends and do the Spokane to Sandy Point Relay race in August, I said yes. At least, that’s what I’m told. I don’t remember anything that happened after the race. Due to the delusions I previously mentioned. (I would include a doctor’s note about these health issues but I’ve yet to find one who will use the correct wording.)
So now I have to train longer distances. And I will be running three legs of this relay. Within 24 hours. So I will sleep in a van. And shower somewhere to be announced. And I have to do it SOBER, supposedly.
I really hate midlife crises. They wreak havoc on the knees.
Just so you know, I know a doctor who will word a doctor’s note pretty much any way you want!
I try to only use him for emergencies… Not delusions of grandeur. He may start to realize I make up medical excuses for bad decisions…
Priceless, Marianne.
Thanks!
LOVE that signed up for the relay. 🙂
Just wait, those delusions after a race? They totally get worse. You’re gonna sign up for all kinds of s#@#!! hee hee
No. My lawyer has advised me to never agree to anything. ever. again.
join the club. i hate running too. thats why i skate. best decision i made while still young.
I’m no longer young and skating isn’t big in Montana. I think it’s the snow.
You are too funny! Great post. I sympathize on the running. But at least you get some endorphins out of it. Right?
That’s what everyone keeps telling me. But endorphins only go so far when on the brink of insanity.
I don’t want to live in a world where delusions are not embraced and given the dignity they deserve. Delude on baby….
If this is true, I should be the most dignified person in the world.
Delusions, vans and sporadic showers? Are you sure you’re just running?!?