Tim Hortons, I Love You

I recently went to Canada for my friend, Leanne Shirtliffe’s book launch.  Look it up.  I’ll wait.
I visited with part of the critique group, The Easy Writers.  Brad, Trish, Elena, and Leanne were kind enough to let me hang out with them.  In public.

I learned A LOT while there.

1. A child’s room had a sign on her door saying people taller than it can’t enter.  It’s probably at 6’5”.  I don’t know what that is in meters.  I apologize.  I could google it.  I was telling Brad this.  I said, “She must be scared of Saskatchewans.”  I got a confused look.  I learned that while Sasquatch may be a Saskatchewan, not all Saskatchewans are Sasquatches.
2.  I learned people from Saskatchewan are called people from Saskatchewan and not Saskatchewans or Saskatchewanianianians.  But I also learned writing “people from Saskatchewan” takes longer.  (I did not learn the plural for Sasquatch.  I mean, does anyone really care?)
3.  I learned that the city of Calgary has more people than the whole state of Montana.
4.  I also learned that I was deluding myself by believing so few people live in Montana because it’s so far north but the Calgary statistics prove otherwise.  (I knew before this trip that Calgary is north of Montana.  Thank you, 4th grade teacher, Mr. Lichenstein.)
5.  I learned that it doesn’t matter how long I’ve worn heels; I still make rookie mistakes.  Like putting lotion on my feet right before a book launch party.
6.  I learned that falling on pavement in Canada before a party is just as embarrassing as falling on pavement in the U.S before a pary.
7.  And, probably most importantly, I learned that Highway 2 forks and if you stay to the left you go to Calgary and if you go to the right, you head to Edmonton.  The key is the big buildings.  If you are around big buildings, you are in Calgary.  If all of the big buildings are behind you and you are still heading north, you are not.

I thought I’d found 3 rude Canadians while there and it was really exciting.  But it was pointed out they could’ve been visiting Americans.  I’m totally going to card them next time.

As I drove south, I realized I hadn’t been to Tim Hortons while there.  So I stopped.  I was afraid I’d be asked at the border.

It was a totes brill* trip.  I highly recommend driving to Canada and reading books written by The Easy Writers while eating Kraft Peanut Butter.
Go.  Go now.

*I believe this is current slang for totally brilliant.  The verdict is out as to whether you can combine two abbreviated words.  Whatever.

I got this in Calgary.  It gives me more street cred as a writer.

I got this in Calgary. It gives me more street cred as a writer.

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5 responses to “Tim Hortons, I Love You

  1. As I said when sharing this on FB, “This is priceless, and that you meet the most interesting people at book launches.”

  2. Oh my that’s hilarious. You need to come to eastern Canada on your next visit ok 😉 We’ll show you how it’s done 🙂

  3. Trish Loye Elliott

    You crack me up! I think I should have bought one of those pads too. As for my daughter’s sign… I believe the Sasquatch not allowed in her room was her father. 😉
    Your visit was so fun and I hope the border guards let you come again.
    BTW, you fall very elegantly.

  4. I laughed out loud. Damn, I missed the fall. Thanks SO MUCH for coming. I’m treating you to Timmy’s next time. 🙂

  5. Pingback: I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT | Comedy of Errers - Marianne Hansen

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