I’ve had a rough couple of weeks. I have depression and sometimes it sucks the life out of me. I was going to write that I “suffer” from depression like on those ads, but even when I’m not “suffering,” I still have it. It’s just not as bad sometimes.
I always have negative self-talk and I always question if I’m helping or hindering the progress of civilization. Usually I can downplay this with sarcasm, a broad sense of irony, and bad television. I’ve also registered for 4 half marathons this year because exercise has been a saving force for me. And I like medals.
But sometimes, like the last two weeks, I’m unable to reach up and get out of the gloom. If you were to have been around me or talk to me the last two weeks, you probably wouldn’t have guessed things were bad because I hide it fairly well. I can generally make people laugh and divert attention elsewhere. There are pros and cons to this ability. A pro is that no one knows when I’m at my lowest. A con is that no one knows I’m at my lowest.
I’ll sleep 12 hours during the bad times, though. I’ll get what I need to get done and then go back to bed.
I’m learning to be patient with myself. I’ve always gotten out of the dark spells, so I believe I’ll get out of them again. I’m on medication and it helps a lot but sometimes things just click in my brain and I go down, down, down. Then it’s a matter of time and I’m back up. I can’t explain it and I certainly don’t understand it.
But when I sit down to write, I’m not as good at hiding it as I am in person. I write angry. I hate everything. I guess my true feelings come out. So I take a break until I can find the humor in life again.
I believe we need to see the humor in life to enjoy it. Life is hard, often an uphill battle and we all have things we’re working through. We need to find the irony and laugh as hard as we possibly can when we do.
But I’m back and writing and editing. And I’ve got to stick with it this time because I’ve promised 5 people I’d buy them dinner if I don’t finish all of my edits by June 21, 2014.
And I’m not sure they’ll go for the dollar menu at McDonald’s.