Absurdity Over Inspiration

A lot has happened but I’m not going to tell you all at once because lately I’ve felt like I have nothing to write about. So I’m going to string the last couple of weeks out.

Hopefully to a month.

I did the local sprint triathlon for the third time. I believe this race is cursed.

Last year I was improving my first year’s time by 40 minutes when on mile one of the 5k I got a migraine. I was in the middle of a field with no where to go but follow the arrows for two miles. The migraine lasted two days.

This year I have piriformis syndrome. My left leg kills. I stopped running all together. To be honest, I stopped everything but swimming in hopes rest would make everything better. It did not.

The bike ride hurt. I don’t know why but my left leg decided to stop working before the run. It felt like I was peddling in mud. I kept switching gears but I knew it was me.

Then I basically walked the 5k. I walked off the extreme limping I started with to finish with just a slight limp. My kids were yelling “Run Mom” and I was ignoring them.

Everyone said it looked painful. They were right.

I tell you all that to let you know that I know it was an accomplishment to finish. I was in pain and barely moving and yet I kept going even though I knew I would be dead last. Very inspirational.

But I didn’t feel inspiring. I felt last.

I’ve read articles cheering on people who push through etc, but it hurt my pride. Before the injury, I was on track for the best race ever. I was going to beat my husband. It was going to be wonderful.

Then I became injured and part of me just gave up. It was so frustrating. And then I was last. I wanted my story to be of miraculous healing; not endurance through pain and being last.

It was horrid.

And it’s been hard for me to deal with being last. No one wants to be last. Even if they’re injured and inspirational.

It’s last.

I had to figure out a way to be okay with the race. I think I have.

I now believe the aura or spiritual entity of this race hates me. If you are wondering what the race entity looks like, it looks like this:RancorRancor

This idea brings me peace.

I guess I’m just the type of person who enjoys absurdity over inspiration.

4 responses to “Absurdity Over Inspiration

  1. Elena Aitken

    I could say all the things you’re ‘supposed’ to say about finishing and being last. But clearly you’ve heard them all. So I’m going to say this…’F that race!’ I say take a break and try something new and kick some ass in that.
    I’m a big fan of kickboxing there’s something uniquely satisfying about kicking and punching your friends in a totally safe environment. 😉

    Plus, you rock for doing it at all. And there’s that.

    • Marianne Hansen

      I’ve decided to only do races with medals and thousands of people. It’s easier to be middle of the road when there are 20,000 then if there are 80.
      And thanks 🙂

  2. I will avoid the platitudes and “but look at it this way”s that you’ve clearly already heard a dozen times, and be practical. Do you have a foam roller and/or a lacrosse ball? Regular application to the piriformis and surrounding tissues might help loosen ’em up. I depend on mine.

    • Marianne Hansen

      I do. It’s helped tons. I just want it to all go away. Like magic. Because I’m realistic

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