People have been asking if I enjoyed screaming.  And I did.  I LOVED screaming.   I laughed and screamed and shot at aliens.  It was a great escape.  

It was so great, that I actually had a heavy heart the last day.  I did not want to come home.  Because I learned that I hadn’t reallly escaped anything.  My feelings and heartache were still with me.  The biggest realization occured when I walked through the main gift shop on Main Street in Disneyland.  There was a display of onesies where the body of cartoon characters were drawn on without the head.  (You know the kinds…  the child’s head will be the characters head.)  I saw this display and automatically thought, “I should get one.”

I caught myself, smiled a sad smile to myself, and walked on to buy some Maleficent memorabilia.

It was a great weekend and I had a blast with my friend, Dava.  The people were so kind and accomodating it made me wonder how Disney does it and why I can’t create the same atmosphere at home.  (Then I remembered that my children are children and realated to each other and children.  And I remembered I don’t get paid and there are no fastpasses for laundry.)

But I came home and picked up the kids and went grocery shopping and cleaned the house as if I had never left.  And when I saw my OB/GYN at a restaurant on Tuesday and he gave me a tight hug, I almost lost it.  

It’s my new reality and I’m making it.  

I may be making it by binge watching television, painting my half bath two different colors with a silver finish gloss, and making plans for the summer (which includes a road trip without a destination so that my oldest son can see what that would be like.  Although I did clear up the idea that we would be camping along the way.  That’s an experience he can save for college.)

But I have things to look forward to and activities, like writing, that bring me happiness.  

And finding happiness is really what it’s all about.

Isn’t it?

We rode the Tower of Terror 4 times. The best seats are on the second floor.

This was a very bad idea.

6 responses to “Disneyland

  1. So many hugs. And that can’t apple looks like a GREAT idea.

  2. I know we mostly know each other through the Internet and a few conversations at Solstice, but I have been thinking about you so much. Like, a lot. I hope that doesn’t sound weird. I don’t know how you feel and I don’t have any good words. I don’t even know your address so I can send chocolate. Your writing about your experience is very moving and real. I hope it is therapeutic. I’m so glad you are sharing it. I wish I could give you a tight hug, too.

    • Marianne Hansen

      I can’t tell you how much your words mean to me. And although our actual meetings was minimal, I look at you as a good friend.

  3. Hugs and more hugs. Glad you did lots of screaming. And laughing. And eating sugary things.

  4. Loved this. Thinking of you.

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