Living Organically

Life has been a fascinating experiment lately. I’ve been doing my best to have fun and enjoy myself and laugh and do some writing and some reading and some daydreaming that I could go off to a beach and not have a care in the world. (When I went to the dentist and started crying as I congratulated him on the birth of his son, I realized I wasn’t daydreaming hard enough.)

Last night I dreamt I was back in school; finally getting that MA in English. It felt so natural being in school again. I kept wondering why I had ever left. And then I remembered that what I really wanted to be doing was writing. And then I remembered I had a husband and children after I was really confused what I had been doing since last graduating. Why in the world hadn’t I stayed in school?

There were a lot of weird symbols in the dream as well, but I’ve decided not to figure out what all of them mean because I got the main point. I want to write.

I have my manuscript printed off and ready to be edited.

Instead, I’ve started another manuscript.

I think right now I want to be writing instead of editing. I’ve decided that’s okay.

I’m not sure if it’s the right way to do things, but I keep hearing David Sedaris telling me that things have to happen organically.

I’ve interpreted this to mean I should do what feels right as long as I don’t use it as an excuse to NEVER edit or query or pitch.

I do plan on going to conferences to pitch and sell my soul. I just haven’t decided which ones yet. Maybe I’ll randomly find some I should go to. And it will become an organic experience. And maybe, looking back at my latest dental experience (no cavities, by the way), I will have to spend my organic conference time with a fake smile on my face and forcing myself to work past the cloud in my heart and my fear.

And maybe I will naturally work through my emotions while I keep figuring everything out. But I have a feeling I will have to push myself and fake a few things along the way. I’m just trying to lessen the pushing as much as possible by doing things that feel okay. Naturally.

I just hope this new approach doesn’t mean I have to eat organically.

I do believe Coke Zero is the basis of pure happiness and beauty, however. So I guess the main staple of my diet is an organic one.

It's like this was made just for me.

It’s like this was made just for me.


One response to “Living Organically

  1. Megan Goates

    I think it’s a good plan. Go with it. That cloud in your heart—it’s real. Lovely image, too, even if it’s not lovely to live with. I have a cloud in my heart sometimes, too.

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