Tag Archives: BFF

I’m a Tricycle

I think I’m having an existential crisis again.  But I’m not completely sure.  Mostly because I’m a little confused on what an existential crisis is.

If what I think it is is what it is then I am.  And if it’s not what I think it is and it’s annoying you that I’m using this phrase, then the rest of this post is just going to make you more annoyed so I think you should google “blogs that use the word existential correctly.”  And we’ll see you later.

But you should come back.  I’m listening to a class on Waterfront law issues and I’m sure I’ll have amazing things to write about afterwards.

I'm just sad it's only 5 hours.

I’m just sad it’s only 5 hours.

I think I’m watching too much bad teen television.  (I’m open to suggestions on good teen television.)  It’s making me question my life: thus my use of existential.  (I threw in thus just in case anyone who didn’t like my use of the word existential hung around.  I find a good thus solves many problems.)

I recently spoke to a friend of mine I hadn’t spoken with for a year or so.  Whenever I talk to someone I haven’t for a while, I ponder how we met.  (thus + ponder = appeasement)  After I hung up, I thought about how I got to know her because I knew her boyfriend first and then we all clicked and I hung out with the two of them.  It wasn’t a big deal.  I believe at the time I was overcoming an over-sized crush on an unobtainable man. (This description may also be coming from teen television.)  And then I thought about it some more and watched a couple episodes of Teen Wolf and realized that for 6 months of my life, I was the third wheel.  (Lightening should be going off in the background and Vincent Price should’ve read that last line.)

I’m not sure how I could’ve missed that for almost 20 years.   I feel like I’ve been living a lie.  I’m not sure what the lie would be because I do remember being invited and not inviting myself and I think it only happened 3 or 4 times BUT I do think this proves one thing:  I need to watch more teen television.

FYI: Orange is the new apostrophes, underlining of proper nouns, and italics.


A friend of mine sent me a mixed-tape.  Mixed-tapes are interesting because you see what a person thinks of you.  I haven’t seen this person since I was a babe in the woods.  Wait.  If I capitalize that, does it change the connotation of babe?

Babe in the woods.

Let’s try it highlighted: Babe in the woods.

But if it changes the connotation and I say “was” does that mean I’m no longer a Babe*?  Or is it that I no longer live in the woods. I could be a Babe in the valley, but I’ve never wanted to be from the valley.
I’m going to have to think about this some more.

Maybe my friend does know me.

She included Dazed and Confused by Led Zepplin.

mixed CD just doesn't sound the same.  I'm a child of the 80's.  Leave me alone.

mixed-CD just doesn’t sound the same. I’m a child of the 80’s. Leave me alone.

*the fact I call it a mixed-tape proves the correct verb to use is “was.”

How to have a BFF without them knowing

I have a running joke with my two friends in tri training that the swim instructor is my new BFF because I’m at the pool M-F.  He just doesn’t know this.

I find this to be a minor point.

I like imaginary relationships.  They take the pressure off of ever finding time to do anything together.  You can drive by their house, and just hang out in your car on the street.  It doesn’t even matter if they’re there.  (But if they are there, I recommend you hunch down a little.)

You can tell people they think you are wonderful without any basis whatsoever.  Just make sure they don’t hear you.

Because THAT would be embarrassing.

(Dear Swim Instructor, This is strictly hypothetical.  I’ve never done a drive by of your house.  But I have a strong feeling I would love your curtains.  Sincerely, the redheaded girl in swim class you nod your head to when you see)

My BFF: Michael Stipe

Occasionally I forget that I am in love with Michael Stipe, lead singer of R.E.M.  I have been since I was a junior in high school and my brother introduced me to the album Murmur.  I listened to the song A Perfect Circle so often that I made a special tape with it at the beginning.  And the end.  And in between.  I found that it spoke to me, although to this day I have no idea what Stipe is singing or what any of it means.  I still love this song, though.  It’s our song.  I will be sure to tell him once he knows of my existence.

I had a slight obsession my freshman year of college.  I wasn’t dating and I wasn’t meeting anyone who treated me the way I wanted to be treated. (i.e. actually asking me out on a regular basis, and not abusing my gigantic crush…  I had three gigantic crushes that year.  I still remember them vividly.  One is a great story I should tell one day except that I worry about people’s comments that were actually living with me at that time.  The word “unstable” may be used.)

So I decided to fall for a stranger who lived on the other side of the country.  If he didn’t reciprocate my feelings, at least there was a good excuse.  The guy in my anthropology class could ask me out anytime and wasn’t.  Stipe would if he could but he couldn’t so it was ok.  I actually had a map with the route from my dorm room to Athens, Georgia, Stipe’s hometown.  To this day, when people say they are going to Athens, I think: Georgia?

Stipe understood me.  Although in the nineties Stipe was known for singing unintelligibly, I knew he was singing to me.  Except for the song Orange Crush, which I believe is about Agent Orange in Vietnam.  Even with my highly imaginative background, I couldn’t tie that into our love affair.

So I had all of his albums and I had the VHS tape of one of their concerts which I watched until it broke.  I could do the dances he did to each of his songs.  I even found him attractive with his dreadlock Mohawk.  (I am a very forgiving person.)

I saw Natalie Merchant in concert during this time.  It was the closest I got.  They were/are good friends and there were always rumors they were dating until he told Time he was in a relationship with a man in 2001.  (Denial is good.)

I FINALLY got to see the band in Jones Beach in New York about six years ago.  Our friends got tickets from some guy they met at a gas station and we were as far away as humanly possible from my ex-boy toy.  My friend, Desiree, did try to tell Michael I was there by yelling at the top of her voice that I loved him while I giggled like a schoolgirl.  I think the only reason he didn’t hear her was the fact he had ear plugs in.  The 3,000 people between us were being pretty quiet.

So I would like to be friends with him and talk about old times that he will have no memory of.  I don’t see him knitting, barbequing and I think he is a vegetarian.  I’m not sure what we would do, but I envision a hammock and geckos.  Maybe we would take an English class together at the University of Georgia and then discuss it over coffee and hot chocolate afterwards.  While I pat his baldhead.

Photo credit: R_Decatur_H (cc) Flickr

My BFF: Keith Richards

A month ago, I wrote how I would like to be best friends with Keith Richards and then I found out that many people do not actually know who Mr. Richards is.  I also find that my description of why I would like to be his best friend is lacking.  Let me correct this situation.

Keith Richards is the guitarist for the Rolling Stones.  Johnny Depp based the character of Jack Sparrow on him.  Mr. Richards appears in a few of the Pirates movies as Jack Sparrow’s dad.  I believe Mr. Richards and Mr. Depp are decent friends due to this exchange.  Mr. Depp is a narrator for Mr. Richards autobiographical book titled Life. Mr. Richards is known for being high for most of the 60’s and 70’s and for having an amazing immune system.  I believe he also has all of his teeth.  I would like to be best friends with him.

Now, you may be thinking: Marianne, what in the world could you have in common with Keith Richards?  Well, besides the fact that I wish I could dress more like him but I cant’ handle wearing very many rings, I think he would be fun to knit with.

Think about it, especially those of you who know who Keith Richards is.  Can’t you see him knitting and really getting into it?  I can.  I think he would enjoy the different fibers and colors.  I think he would really enjoy the slip-stitch.  I think a great knitting circle would include Keith (because we knit together we are now on a first name basis), possibly Johnny Depp, me and my friend Gail (she would be bringing the lefse) with occasional pop-ins by Billy Joel and Billy Idol.  I think most rock and roll stars would be great knitters and we would have great nosh sessions while sipping some tea.  I think I might just knit Keith a hat and send it to him with an invitation to knitting night.  I bet he hasn’t started knitting simply because no one has invited him.  I should open up and be the first.

I will start on his hat right after I make me two more hats, three scarves, and two sweaters.  I’m sure that will be any day now.  I just need a little help in order to achieve this:

Does anyone have Keith’s address and do you know his favorite color?  (The circumference of his head might help as well.)

Photo credit: barb and dean (cc) Flickr

My BFF: Steve Tyler

I would like to be best friends with Steve Tyler.  Or, I would really just like to kiss him.  I find the size of his mouth and lips so fascinating.  They are just so large.  As far as I know, this has not been passed on to the fruit of his loins.  It is just so fascinating.

I became interested in him when Aerosmith and Run DMC remade Walk This Way.  I decided that when I became a hugely famous rock star, I would put three yards of material strips off my mike.  But I would use more floral prints.

I was a very shy, quiet high school student and Aerosmith seemed to be a good way to rebel.  Perhaps those feelings have continued to exist until this day.  And I do have three yards of fabric strips, but I made a quilt out of them.  I am so badass.

And I bet Tyler would be fun to hang out with.  He wouldn’t BBQ like James Taylor, but I bet he knows where to go get burgers that are delicious.  I have a feeling they are soaked in Jack Daniels before cooked, but I have had Jack Daniels steak and it has been really good.  And I bet he knows where really good fries are to dip in the excess Jack Daniels.  AND good places to buy silver jewelry.  I wonder how hard it is to get ketchup out of the eye sockets of skull rings.

I would also like to see how he decorates.  Are microphones the only things he uses fabric swatches for?  Does he have torn curtains?  Are his table clothes really just ripped fabric sewn together?  How did the microphone thing start in the first place?

So I would like him to invite me over for some burgers purchased from a greasy diner and see how he sets the table.  I bet there are skulls as the base of his utensils.  And I bet he uses big huge goblets.  For some reason I envision him in a sort of medieval dining setting with a large order of fries.  Who does not want to be best friends with this man?

My BFF James

I would like to be friends with James Taylor. I was listening to his Christmas album in the car and I foresaw my possible future.  He seems to be the type of person who always brings homemade bread to a potluck. I also think he would be great at barbeques.  Then after we ate our fill, we could sit around a nice fire because he has an outdoor fireplace and roast marshmallows while he plays the guitar.
James washes dishes by hand and only wears cotton layers.  His wife brings out some homemade pie while the kids skip rocks on the beach.  We can’t actually see the children do this, however, because James’ house is in the mountains.  Maybe the kids are at a lake cut into the top of the mountain James lives on.
And then we all sleep in hammocks that automatically rock with crickets and birds gently singing.  In other words, James Taylor lives with Snow White.
I think I would do great in this atmosphere with James as a friend.  I could harmonize and we would look at each other knowingly over his guitar when others would try to join in, off pitch.  Then for Christmas, he would give me a basket of handmade candies wrapped in tissue paper.  He would then start to chop wood for the next night’s fire.
This is how James Taylor lives, don’t you think?  And I would fit in to this lifestyle quite well.  I use to hang out at campsites, although no one ever sang, and I couldn’t understand what anyone was saying around the campfire in Mexico.  I used to fall asleep every night to crickets chirping when I lived in Connecticut.  I never actually slept outside with crickets.  I started camping in Utah, namely Southern Utah, and it is too hot for crickets there.  Mostly, I slept to other people’s snores.
But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t fit in.  I have done everything I would do at James’ house, just not all together.  That is why I need him to be my friend.  It would bring me completeness.  I would be a complete person.  Just like Snow White.