Tag Archives: chickens

Simon and Baker

In case you have forgotten, we own chickens.  I hate them.  I have always hated them.  The seem to live to leave feces around the yard.  I don’t think I would mind them as much if they weren’t alive.

Recently a friend came over and told me his husband would love chickens.  I asked him if he would like to take mine.  They’re still here so I’m guessing the answer was no.

But while we were talking, I also divulged my psychotic Simon Baker break at the Jazz game.  And he came up with a rather brilliant idea.

He suggested I call the chickens Simon Baker and then I might like them more.

So here they are.

Simon And Baker.  Does it really matter which is which?

Simon And Baker. Does it really matter which is which?

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Here Chicken Chicken Chicken

In April, the Apocalypse occurred.

My husband bought chickens.

He told me he and the kids were getting me a surprise.  I was thinking something shiny and  sparkly that costs lots of money.

I only got the “costs lots of money” correct.

We had discussed chickens.  I had said no.  I need to find a new word.

Chickens were purchased because they are supposed to give us eggs and you can give them food and water and leave them alone in the hutch.

This is very, very wrong.

The chickens don’t like their hutch.  It’s a nice hutch.  It said it was for 5-7 chickens and there are only three.  I don’t know how 5-7 were to live in it because with the 3, it seems crowded.  And they like to get out.

I think they purposely knock over their water and start making tons of noise so that they’ll get more.  Then, when the door is open, they try to make a run for it.

See them waiting at the door?

See them waiting at the door?

I was supposed to have nothing to do with them.  This worked great when it was summer and the kids were around all day.  But now they’re in school and the chickens can be incredibly loud.

I’m usually very good at keeping them in the cage when I feed them.  I yell and kick and you’d think they’d hate me.  But today, I wasn’t quick enough and they got out.  Then they followed me around.

It was creepy.

I cut up a green tomato to get them back in the cage but that didn’t work.  I threw in an oatmeal cookie and that didn’t work.  I even tried some apple bread.

What worked?  Lemon bread.  Go figure.  (We had a gathering at our house this week.  I don’t normally have this amount of baked goods.)

So now we have annoying chickens that are probably developing cavities.

This is a horrible picture but if you squint, you can see lemon bread.

This is a horrible picture but if you squint, you can see lemon bread.

They’re cackling right now.  It’s driving me nuts.

Is it illegal to hire someone to kill chickens?