Tag Archives: cooking

Pros and Cons to Slicing Your Thumb Open

I was cooking.  Okay.  I was actually slicing oranges using a mandoline.  To put in a fruity drink.

But it was for other people.  So I actually bled for other people.  (I made blood oranges.  HAHAHA.)

And I sliced a large portion of my thumb off.  Or almost off.  It still hung on by some skin.

I screamed and put it under water and screamed some more.  Blood was pooling in the sink.  I made my son cry.

I ran out to the car and opened the garage and tried to get a hold of my husband and let the dog out and then called a friend to take the youngest to soccer.  He couldn’t get the dog in the house so I drove to my husband’s office with the dog while keeping my thumb wrapped in tissues and above my heart because I remember something about keeping limbs bleeding above the heart.  Or was it below?

My husband numbed my thumb (I screamed for that.  It hurt.) and then he stitched it.  (I screamed for the stitch in the area that hadn’t been fully numbed.)

I went and got dinner after because I hadn’t really eaten that day and I was really nauseous.  REALLY nauseous.  And I needed to head to the church to help with the drinks I was in charge of for the evening.  (The dog had peed on the recipes.  I decided just to email them to people.)

The girl at the register asked what I’d done and I told her I sliced my finger and got 8 stitches.  She was shocked I had to get so many stitches.  I remarked, “Well, I did get it done by a dentist.”  She didn’t reply to that.

This is the second time my husband has fixed a cooking accident for me.  And neither time did I get nitrous.  I’m a warrior.

You may be wondering what could be the pro of all of this and I shall tell you.

When I showed up at the office with my bloodied thumb, the first thing my husband said was, “Maybe we should start ordering out more.”

I decided I'd earned this sequence, Darth Vader shirt for $5. It's gonna make the thumb on my scare invisible.

I decided I’d earned this $5 sequined, Darth Vader shirt. It’s gonna make the scar on my thumb invisible.

 

I’m Trying to Feed my Children

I think I have stated here how much I truly hate cooking.

And if we are being completely honest, I believe it hates me too.

It’s just so much work trying to come up with ideas and then buying the ingredients.  Nowadays people also expect it to be HEALTHY.

Who has time for this?

You put studying spelling with your kids on top of this and it’s just overwhelming.

So I did what every mom with a computer who is really lazy and spends too much time on Facebook and Google does and found a company that will send me food every week.

Then I found one that actually delivers to Montana.

HelloFresh sends me three meals a week with the ingredients and the recipes and I just have to throw it together.  This generally takes 40 minutes.  And this is the main problem.

I have to be home for 40 minutes in the evening.  HAHAHAHA

Tonight I am getting my son to the gym at 4:30; my daughter to soccer at 5; pick up my son at 5:30; pick up my daughter at 6:30 (this will actually be punted to my husband) and take the dog to training at 6:30 because the purebred mutt still poops in the basement and does not sit still for more than 5 seconds.  (We will be doing puppy training again in the new year.  And we will keep doing it until the dog stays dagnabit.)

(I apologize for my language.)

I will be home all evening starting at 7:30pm.  So my family can either eat at 8:30 pm or I can make the meal at 3pm and my children can complain of hunger at 8:30 pm.

At the same time, I’m making meals that look like this:

Italian meatloaf with green beans and garlic and basil mashed potatoes. (I will never be able to make this again but look how pretty!)

Italian meatloaf with green beans and garlic and basil mashed potatoes. (I will never be able to make this again but look how pretty!)

And they are well-balanced and nutritious.  I really do love it.  It takes virtually no thought on my part and I look over achieving.  It’s a little gourmet for my kids at times but they get to try foods I would never cook if not for this company.

I save the meals for nights when I will have time to make them.  (Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday)

And the rest of the time, I buy pizza.

Mistakes While Making Toast

Instead of showing you how to make toast today, I thought it would be more educational to show you what NOT to do while making toast.

(Even though it’s summer vacation, it’s important to continually learn.)

1.IMG_3066Placing the butter on the toaster will not mean your toast will be buttered when it pops up.  It only means you have too many things on your counter and you should get rid of the stuff you don’t actually use.  (And for Pete’s sake, stop buying spatulas.)

2.IMG_3067Make sure the correct plug is plugged in.  Otherwise you will move onto something else and realize 20 minutes later, you don’t have any toast.

3. IMG_3068Look at the dial because your child may have just used it and only want heated bread.  Not toast.  (Why does the toaster even go down this low?  It cooks NOTHING and is just annoying.)

4. IMG_3070Don’t make toast right before bed.  It’s not very edible the next morning when you go to make more toast and realize you already have some.

My final advice is to buy the same toaster as your mother.  This is so your daughter won’t continually ask why Grandma’s toast is better than yours.  For her 10th birthday, she may even ask your mother for her toaster.

Just buy a Sunbeam toaster.  (Or don’t.  What if it isn’t the toaster?  What if I buy the Sunbeam toaster and it turns out to be me?  Insert shudder.)

I hope this has helped.

(Teachers may use this educational post free of charge.)

(Sunbeam – if you read this, I’d be willing to write product reviews if you send some toasters to me.)

I’m also Following Blogs from Australia

This may be the last bit of Simon Baker side effects in my life for a while.  Besides thinking I know him and naming my chickens after him, there isn’t much left.

Except.

While I was in my googling/stalking/I want to visit Australia stage of my life, or as some call it, April, I happened upon two blogs that are keepers.

And you should follow them.  Because they are interesting and humorous and have this wonderful bit where they chat for five minutes and post it.  It reminds me of conversations I’ve had with friends.  Except it’s only five minutes.  And that’s generally how long we spend trying to decide if we should cook dinner or buy something and throw it into Tupperware and tell everyone we made it.

Anyhow.  Here they are:

The Sharpest Pencil by Lana Hirschowitz and Life and Other Crises by Kerri Sackville

I actually think I would get along better with them than Simon Baker.  Mostly because if I asked them what hair care products they use, I bet they know and would tell me.  (This may be an unfair judgement of Mr. Baker due to the fact that I have never asked him what hair care products he uses and he could be very free with this information.  I’m just worried I’d be arrested by the time I got close enough to ask.)

The best part is if people tell me that stalking is wrong and a bit creepy, I can argue that I found these two blogs that make me laugh and I can listen to them for the exact amount of time it takes me to put things in a Tupperware bowl and slice a cucumber on top to make it look homemade.

And what more can one ask for?

Copyright law is confusing so instead of posting a picture of them, I'm posting a picture of my semi-sharpened pencil.  It connects to what I wrote if you don't think very hard.

Copyright law is confusing so instead of posting a picture of them, I’m posting a picture of my semi-sharpened pencil. It connects to their blog titles if you don’t think very hard.

 

This week in what I learned on TV

I’ve been thinking I should bestow my wisdom that I have gleaned from watching TV while doing my laundry or cooking or cleaning or pretending to edit.  This thinking developing when I went to a writing class and the authors said you should train your brain to think about your characters and your plot during down time… While you fold laundry, cook, or while you drive.  I thought this was a wonderful idea except that I need to not think at all while I cook or fold laundry or I realize I’m cooking or folding laundry.  So I needed to come up with an excuse as to why I shouldn’t think about my plot during this time.

At about this time I also found the blog https://problemsolved90210.wordpress.com/  It goes through each episode and shows the brilliance that is 90210.

This became the key to why I needed to watch TV while I did mundane household chores; I could share the wisdom I obtained with you.

You’re welcome.

This week I’ve been watching the Gilmore Girls.  So far I’ve learned:

1. Don’t marry an ex, even if you’ve had his child and you’re in Paris, just a few episodes after you’ve dumped your on again off again romance for the whole series.

2.  Don’t make life altering decisions like dropping out of Yale after having a horrific dinner and conversation with your boyfriend’s father even if he is your mentor because this will mean you’ll end up the party planner for the DAR.

3.  You can still have a cute house and great clothes while eating out every meal and leaving tips for your love interest for the whole series.

4.  You can have an amazing body if you do eat out every meal only if it’s greasy food and you are never actually seen eating any of it.

That’s all I can remember right now.  I still have 2 episodes left and I’m sure there will be way more I can learn.

I can’t wait to share what I learn from watching Scandal.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN  (I decorate while watching TV too)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN (I decorate while watching TV too)

I Joined a New Club. It’s Very Exciting.

So a few ladies in my congregation have started a freezer meal club.  At least, I think they did.  I didn’t go yesterday but I hear it’s gonna be every 3rd week.  And I’ve decided to join.  That means my family will have food one week a month until the group disbands.  This is very exciting for me.

This month has been really hectic.  Last weekend was my continuing law education weekend and so we were down in Big Sky, Montana.  That’s the weekend I go to class from 6:45-9 am, ski, then class from 4:15-6:30 and then try to stay awake until 8:30pm.

This year I only fell once.  Of course, it was when I was standing in line for the ski lift and the ski lift guy hefted me up under my arms, while I was surrounded by 20 something snowboarders.  This is when I decided I needed a more stylish ski outfit.  Then I saw the 20 something kid in the orange one-piece snowsuit, with the top unzipped, shirtless, drinking a beer, yelling at his friends he wasn’t racing anymore and I decided I didn’t want to be THAT stylish.  Maybe just have my snow pants and coat match.  I think that’s about where I’m at with skiing fashion: Let’s try to match.

Anyhow.

I was busy.  So I didn’t have time to make 6 freezer meals to share with the group that I was going to miss but still really wanted the meals and the recipes for future freezer meals.  At the same time, I didn’t want to really bring any of the freezer meals I’ve made in the past because I have no faith in my cooking and I don’t like people to have to rely on what I’ve cooked.  It really stressed me out.

Until I had a vision.

photo

(This vision occurred while standing in front of an end cap in the freezer section at Albertsons.  Ok.  Maybe it wasn’t a real vision unless by vision you just mean eyesight.  Because all I did was turn and look in the end freezer case.  And to be honest, I was looking for ice cream but that was one aisle over so in some ways you could say it was destiny.)

They’re on sale at Albertson’s right now, by the way.  You should stock up.  Just in case you get invited to a freezer meal exchange and you end up not having time to make anything because you’re buying a ski coat that matches.

I’ve Made a Rash (and yet Delicious) Decision

I’ve made a rash decision and I’ve done so without discussing it with my husband.  I hope he understands but if he doesn’t, it’s really too late.  I hope it doesn’t do any permanent damage to our relationship but I feel as though it was a personal decision and I was ready.  It’s taken a few years to get here but I feel as though I’ve matured enough now and it’s time.

I signed up for the Fruit and Cheese of the Month Club.

I’m kind of excited.  Fruit of the Month seemed like a really big decision and I couldn’t do it.  But then I saw that I could get it with cheese and it was as though the whole world expanded.

With cheese, Fruit of the Month becomes educational.  I figure Harry and David will do all of the work matching what cheese goes best with what fruit and all I have to do is blend the two.  By the end of the year, I will know how to eat cheese and fruit TOGETHER.

I also feel as though this gives my children a hand up in the world.  They will grow up knowing what cheese goes best with what fruit.  Something I didn’t have at their age. Who knows what doors this may open?  I’m pretty sure it will help with the Harvard applications.  (Although truth be told, I’ve been flirting with Stanford lately.)

I will keep you updated.  I promise to share my new knowledge.  Otherwise it would really just be selfish.

I hope my husband understands.

Does it come cut up and dipped in chocolate too?

Does it come cut up and dipped in chocolate too?