Tag Archives: depression

Seattle Seahawks Nails

Last post, my friend Meghan made the comment “I’m on the side of doing whatever it takes to get through January and winter and the blues. Sports radio, nails, blogging—whatever. Keep doing it.”

I loved this because a couple of weeks ago, a friend was having a day of it and I picked her up and took her to get pedicures.  I told her that whenever I’m feeling incredibly down, I get my nails done.  Even when your life isn’t looking up to par, it’s always better without hang-nails.

I found this out in New York City.  I could get a manicure and pedicure for about $20.  When life got too much and I wanted an escape, I would get my nails done.

And I’m in need of a tiny, in town, while kids are busy, escape.

So I’m getting my nails done Saturday with a friend.  We’re getting them painted Seahawk blue and green.

Because if you need a completely frivolous pick me up, it’s best to do it to help your team.

(I can’t, with a clear conscience, post a picture of my nails.  They have some issues.  They shouldn’t be seen.)

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A Case of the Stay-At-Home-Mom Blues

I haven’t been on here recently.  It’s been a difficult time.  I have the stay-at-home-mom blues.  At least that’s what I’ve decided to call them.

It’s that feeling that what you do doesn’t really matter.  Someone else could step into my place and do everything I do without much difference.  Anyone can make bacon in the microwave or cook slightly burnt pancakes.  In fact, someone else may make pancakes that take eggs and oil instead of just water.  So they would do it BETTER.

I know I’m not the only one to get into this groove occasionally.  I think everyone has a trigger.   I have two.

1) Occasionally, about every couple of months, I’m actually told that my life is not as important as others’ and I should change my schedule to fit others’ better.  If I do not change my schedule of unimportant things or change how I parent, I am a selfish, selfish person.

2) I go to a continuing law class for me or some dental conference for my husband and I am completely non-existent.

I usually turn #2 into a game.  People have to be fairly narrow minded to not be able to talk to a spouse about anything but their profession.  There is a rather wide range of topics out there ready to be discussed in this wide, wide world.  The app Trivia Crack is proof.  Of course if these topics are not found in Entertainment Weekly, I can’t really be bothered; but I never said I was not one of the narrow minded folk.

#1 is a little harder.  I don’t know if my schedule is that important.  I try to be available if a teacher or child needs me.  I try to keep the house running and organized, but who couldn’t do this instead of me?  If I don’t over-extend or do things I hate/feel I can’t do, am I selfish?  What are the measures for these things?

Is the person saying these things to me truly the selfish one?

Hard to know.

I’m doing my best to snap out of it and realize my small, little life has some meaning.  It’s not always easy.

Like today.  I decided to be mother of the year and make my kids cookies for their day off of school.  Except they were the ready bake kind.  And I burnt half of them because the top oven of my double oven doesn’t cook evenly.  Then I ate the four that were left undercooked because I COULD NOT BELIEVE I failed at ready bake cookies.

Swimming sounded like a good plan next.  Endorphins always help.  Until I started to get incredibly nauseous with a killer headache because I’d completely forgotten to eat breakfast and being pregnant and swimming 800 meters on 4 semi-raw cookies does not cut it.

But there is still hope.

There’s an 80% chance that when I order pizza for dinner tonight, one of the two pizzas will be enjoyed.  And the other will be eaten in my bed at midnight while watching Hart of Dixie reruns.  I’d invite you, but 80% is still kinda risky.  Best to test the odds on my own and instead invite you to lunch next week.

After all.  There’s nothing on my schedule important enough I can’t move.

This is the picture in my kitchen.  I'm wondering if I should add a % so people know what they're in for.

This is in my kitchen. I’m wondering if I should add a % so people know what they’re in for.

I Can’t Think Of a Snappy Title

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks.  I have depression and sometimes it sucks the life out of me.  I was going to write that I “suffer” from depression like on those ads, but even when I’m not “suffering,” I still have it.  It’s just not as bad sometimes.

 
I always have negative self-talk and I always question if I’m helping or hindering the progress of civilization.  Usually I can downplay this with sarcasm, a broad sense of irony, and bad television.  I’ve also registered for 4 half marathons this year because exercise has been a saving force for me.  And I like medals.

 
But sometimes, like the last two weeks, I’m unable to reach up and get out of the gloom.  If you were to have been around me or talk to me the last two weeks, you probably wouldn’t have guessed things were bad because I hide it fairly well.  I can generally make people laugh and divert attention elsewhere.  There are pros and cons to this ability.  A pro is that no one knows when I’m at my lowest.  A con is that no one knows I’m at my lowest.

 
I’ll sleep 12 hours during the bad times, though.  I’ll get what I need to get done and then go back to bed.

 
I’m learning to be patient with myself.  I’ve always gotten out of the dark spells, so I believe I’ll get out of them again.  I’m on medication and it helps a lot but sometimes things just click in my brain and I go down, down, down.  Then it’s a matter of time and I’m back up.  I can’t explain it and I certainly don’t understand it.

 
But when I sit down to write, I’m not as good at hiding it as I am in person.  I write angry.  I hate everything.  I guess my true feelings come out.  So I take a break until I can find the humor in life again.

 
I believe we need to see the humor in life to enjoy it.  Life is hard, often an uphill battle and we all have things we’re working through.  We need to find the irony and laugh as hard as we possibly can when we do.

 
But I’m back and writing and editing.  And I’ve got to stick with it this time because I’ve promised 5 people I’d buy them dinner if I don’t finish all of my edits by June 21, 2014.
And I’m not sure they’ll go for the dollar menu at McDonald’s.

During this last surge, I wanted to go to Legoland.  That's how bad it was.  Cuz I hate that place.

During this last surge, I wanted to go to Legoland. That’s how bad it was. Cuz I hate that place.