So I’m back to trying to eat healthier. I hate the fact that when I eat too much sugar and carbs, I’m tired. I find this completely unfair. Birthday cake should be exempt from all natural laws.
But I had 3 birthday cakes. There was no moderation.
I don’t have very good willpower (which I believe I’ve proven numerous times here) so my friend and I have created a punishment for whoever cheats the most.
On March 20th (unless something comes up) we are going to go to the movie Divergent.Whoever cheats has to wear a shirt that says: “I Love Tobias”. That person also has to stand up midway into the film and declare her love for Tobias.
(For those of you who don’t know, Tobias is the name of the lead male in the film. I figure many of you deduced this but if you didn’t, I didn’t want you to think we just picked a random name out of a hat. Because that would be weird.)
So far it’s been an amazing motivator. I really don’t want to do that amid all of the preteens that will be in the theater. One of them may yell: “Solidarity, Sister!” And no one wants that.
And we plan on eating cupcakes during the movie. Probably 14 each. To make up for all of the sugar we haven’t been eating.
Here is the update to my no sugar, no flour diet.
I did incredibly well for 21 days. Then I didn’t.
Eating is the weirdest thing. I ate better and pretty much felt better. I had some stomachaches but I figured that was due to the fact that I was eating better and my body didn’t understand. I didn’t want to go to bed at 7pm and I had more energy.
But I missed foods.
I missed the high I get with chocolate and I missed being able to reward myself with food or eat away a bad day.
My stomach was flatter and I looked much better in a swimming suit but I guess that isn’t enough for me to stay away from bad food.
I’m trying to find a middle ground and I’m failing miserably. I don’t seem to have any self control and it is driving me insane.
I go from being proud of my body because of everything it’s done and everything it can do to thinking this is a cop-out and an excuse to eat a Snickers.
Then I can’t decide how good I truly want to look in a bathing suit and who am I trying to look good for? Me? I’d prefer to be reading in sweats in bed. (Oh, and ANOTHER update: we don’t have a fireplace yet. Fireplace stores should have different hours.)
But when I’m in a bathing suit, I honestly do want to not embarrass myself. I’m just not in a bathing suit that often.
Maybe that should be my next diet plan:
I have to wear a bathing suit around the house.
I bet I snack less.
I also bet I answer the door less.
But only at the beginning. I have a feeling after a few incidences, people will stop coming around.
This is me and my daughter in bathing suits. I think we look hot.
I am asking you to come along on a journey with me. I wish I could tell you it would be a wonderful and blissful journey through middle earth, but alas it is not. It is more a journey through torment and a test of will power.
Yesterday I started a cleanse. Now this isn’t one of those cleanses where you only drink juice until you die. It’s actually a pretty decent once. You eat three meals a day and even a snack. Your meals are protein and veggies with a complex carb. You’re supposed to eat clean, of course. You simply add this lovely, thick high fiber drink in the morning and some fiber pills at night. And you cut out white sugar and flour and soda.
Pretty much you take out all happiness from your life.
I’ve decided to try this for 24 days. That’s it. If I can manage 24 days then we shall see where we are at then. I’m not making any promises.
Exercise goals are easy. You run a couple miles and you are done for the day. Eating goals are ALL DAY LONG. THEY NEVER END. You can’t get up and get them over with. You live with them all the time. I hate them. So that is my one goal this year and I’m two days in.
But I need your help dear readers.
I need you to pray for my children.
Because I’m unsure they will understand when their normally sane and happy mommy starts crying because they need their pants synched 2 inches while they’re eating leftover Christmas candy and she’s drinking fiber sludge and running to the bathroom at inopportune times. Just pray that they will either forget these moments or will find wonderful therapists in their adult lives.
And maybe, just maybe, by eating clean, I’ll have fewer headaches and more energy. Maybe giving up happiness is worth that. (And please forgive any posts that seem slightly angry during the next 22 days. It isn’t me. It’s the fiber sludge.)
They offer meal replacements for those of us who are truly lazy. Shockingly, I often take this option.
So I did something today that makes me feel like a failure. What is interesting is that when I hear other people doing this, I think: “Good for you! You are taking care of yourself! How inspiring!” When I did it, I felt like I was admitting I couldn’t go it alone and I needed to pay a weekly fee to get where I want to go.
I joined Weight Watchers. I have a friend who has lost 10% of her body weight and another friend who met her goal and I decided to actually do something about my own failure to lose weight. During the last year, I have been the same weight no matter what. I think I have lost tons and I have lost none. On the plus side, I think I have gained tons, and I am the same. After buying a treadmill and asking a friend to help me make a table for it so I can walk and write at the same time, I decided to work on the food intake.
I went to my first meeting today. I took Seth because I didn’t know what else to do with him at 9am right after the others went to school. I do not believe I will be attending this meeting anymore. Seth decided he was hungry. I had a sandwich and grapes for him. He grabbed some Twizzlers left over from the drive from Idaho and walked into the class based on how to deal with Halloween candy. It was very inspiring with Seth being an example of what not to do. I sat on the floor and hid behind everyone.
So explain to me why joining WW makes me feel like a failure? I have decided to be proactive and actually be public about my desire to do something which are all wonderful, positive things. But I feel like I couldn’t do it myself and therefore I am a loser. (And yes I know my goal is to be a loser of weight. Great play on words everybody. I am laughing on the inside.) Why do I feel like I have to do everything myself? I have decided to try and do nothing myself to try and break me of this feeling of guilt. I appreciate any help you may give me. I need dinner in 4 hours.