Tag Archives: dog

How To Have a Posh Life

This public service announcement is to find out if you are living as posh a life as me.

(Please do not confuse my poshness with Posh Spice poshness.  I’ve been known to be seen eating.)

  1. Join your husband and and kids and two neighbor kids on a drive to Park Lake.
  2. Stop at a local grocery store and buy their huge sandwich.
  3. Ask the deli to slice the sandwich.
  4. Only notice once you are halfway to Park Lake that they only sliced the huge sandwich in half and you have 8 people to feed.
  5. Also while driving, start feeling sick.
  6. Ask husband to take you home then decide you need to spend family time together so keep going.
  7. Eat sushi on the drive because sushi has rice and rice settles stomachs no matter what the other ingredients might do.
  8. Scream “Pull Over” and know you won’t throw up yet because you are destined to throw up in the car.
  9. Start throwing up out the window 2 minutes after you get back in the car.
  10. Make sure to lean over your arm so that you can get it all over the side of your car AND arm.
  11. Then get out of the car and puke some more, making sure to get it on your socks as well.
  12. Get to Park Lake.
  13. Arrive to find out the only other people there are a family your husband knows and you get to be introduced to from a distance.
  14. Explain why you are at a distance to a complete stranger while smiling.
  15. Lie down on a towel and try to fall asleep.
  16. Feel tugging on your sock.  Think it’s the dog.
  17. Look down and see a CHIPMUNK eating vomit off your sock.
  18. Cry a little
It's easy to see why a chipmunk would be attracted to me

It’s easy to see why a chipmunk would be attracted to me

And now for the advanced degree in poshness.

On the next day, the septic system will get cleaned out but they won’t put the lid back on; they’ll only put it in the whole sideways.

Your daughter will throw a ball and the dog with run to catch it

And FALL INTO the SEPTIC system.

You will then wash the dog three times and spray her with many things made for dogs to get smell out.

Then you will take her to the groomers and have them give her a buzz.

she has no hair.  Poor thing

She has no hair. Poor thing

Now be honest.

Don’t you “Wannabe” like me?

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Writing with Rocky and Bullwinkle

And now for something you’ll really like.

(If you know Rocky and Bullwinkle, that lead-in will be familiar to you.  I’m also wearing a blue flying hat with goggles.)

My wonderful spouse of 15 years took the kids to a dental conference this weekend so that I could stay home and write.  (The conference has kids’ activities like water parks and zoos and trampoline places and amusement parks.  It’s a great weekend.)

Not everyone is on board with this plan, however.

Ginny, the dog, is at home so that I could take her to puppy class.  I am unsure obedience training is sticking.  The phrase “Leave me alone. I’m writing” means nothing to her.  But she will sit for 3 seconds.

I walk her a couple times a day and play with her and work on obedience with her.  She is not an ignored dog.

This is not enough for her, however.

IMG_3505

You can even see toys in the background.  But those aren't good enough

You can even see toys in the background. But those aren’t good enough

She is eating the incredibly expensive pencils I bought after Leanne Shirtliffe told me to.  (She may have just posted an article on them and asked for opinions.  But I’m pretty sure she said all the cool people own them.)

This is my outline for my manuscript.  I worked on it last night while Ginny slept.  She woke up.

This is the outline for my manuscript. I worked on it last night while Ginny slept. She woke up.

So tomorrow there will be some kennel training occurring here.  And hopefully some writing as well.  There will definitely be a lot of whining.  I just hope it’s mostly from the dog.

Now…

Be with us  next time for ‘Avalanche is better than none.’

(Once again.  Look up Rocky and Bullwinkle.)

A Little Pot Goes a Long Way

Writing has been difficult this summer.  I blame my lack of sleep.  And having kids.  And now a dog.  And the color blue.

I went out to dinner with a friend last night.  We had a wonderful time discussing life and how confused people make us and how one should feel about people with amazing genetics and how does one raise normal kids and how can we get friends who take us to Paris and is that table of guys going to hit on that table of girls.

World Peace should be occurring now because of us.

(If it doesn’t, it’s due to the conversation at the table to our right.)

I came back to the condo on the lake around 9:45 with 2 of the kids.  Kevin was mountain biking with the eldest child.

I walked into our bedroom and smelled pot.  A lot of pot.

Way more than I smelled at the Santana concert.  Or when walking past the 420 camp at Venice Beach.

And that’s A LOT.

I told the kids to stay in their room and then I walked around outside.  Our place is next to a bar, so I figured someone from there was doing something in the field in front of the garage.  But it didn’t smell as strong the farther I got from our condo.  I walked back between the garage and house and I saw a pink unicorn.

Kidding.

The garage door was open and I became freaked out.  Then the dog barked at her reflection in the window but maybe she wasn’t barking at her reflection because then she came into my room and barked at nothing and she doesn’t bark unless she wants something and she didn’t want anything and were there harden criminals outside our bedroom and what would I do if there were and if it’s medicinal marijuana should I call an ambulance or should I ask for a drag?

By the time Kevin came home, the pot smell had dissipated. No one was around.  I didn’t even find a joint on the ground.

The new rule should be that if I get freaked out, there should be some evidence somewhere that I had a reason to be freaked out.

And cinnamon and nutmeg should be added to joints smoked outside my bedroom.

HEY!  I just made this another cooking post.  I can feel a book deal just around the corner.

She hides her vicious guard dog side.

Watch out pot smoking intruders! She hides her vicious guard dog side.