Tag Archives: husband

Writing with Rocky and Bullwinkle

And now for something you’ll really like.

(If you know Rocky and Bullwinkle, that lead-in will be familiar to you.  I’m also wearing a blue flying hat with goggles.)

My wonderful spouse of 15 years took the kids to a dental conference this weekend so that I could stay home and write.  (The conference has kids’ activities like water parks and zoos and trampoline places and amusement parks.  It’s a great weekend.)

Not everyone is on board with this plan, however.

Ginny, the dog, is at home so that I could take her to puppy class.  I am unsure obedience training is sticking.  The phrase “Leave me alone. I’m writing” means nothing to her.  But she will sit for 3 seconds.

I walk her a couple times a day and play with her and work on obedience with her.  She is not an ignored dog.

This is not enough for her, however.

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You can even see toys in the background.  But those aren't good enough

You can even see toys in the background. But those aren’t good enough

She is eating the incredibly expensive pencils I bought after Leanne Shirtliffe told me to.  (She may have just posted an article on them and asked for opinions.  But I’m pretty sure she said all the cool people own them.)

This is my outline for my manuscript.  I worked on it last night while Ginny slept.  She woke up.

This is the outline for my manuscript. I worked on it last night while Ginny slept. She woke up.

So tomorrow there will be some kennel training occurring here.  And hopefully some writing as well.  There will definitely be a lot of whining.  I just hope it’s mostly from the dog.

Now…

Be with us  next time for ‘Avalanche is better than none.’

(Once again.  Look up Rocky and Bullwinkle.)

How We’re Teaching Our Kids About the Founding Fathers

Yesterday we celebrated President’s Day by not going to work or school. It’s kind of odd to celebrate the Founding Fathers who worked their tails off with no work but I got to sleep in so I’m happy. My husband decided we should take this time to help our kids appreciate what life was like for Washington and Lincoln so we turned off all the lights.

Growing up, the power would go out all of the time and we’d often spend a night by candlelight. I remember doing homework and playing monopoly with candles and a flashlight.

My kids have never experienced a power outage (minus the huge one in NYC when My oldest and I got stuck on a subway but he was 1 and has no memory of it. I still remember walking along rails holding him and sighing in relief when I reached the street.). But we do take them camping and so they’ve done things without electricity before. I think the problem yesterday was that my daughter saw NO REASON to go without electricity when it was readily available. And she let us know.

She was dead-on with her observation of “I thought the whole reason people invented things was so WE COULD USE THEM.”

And that “George Washington would’ve used electricity if he’d had it.”

We couldn’t argue with any of that. So we simply said, “You may be right but we’re your parents, so deal with it.”
(I believe it was Adam and Eve who came up with that brilliant line.)

Next month we’re making our kids speech in an Irish accent and learn how to chug a nonalcoholic beer.

(It’s really hard to sneak a picture so this is what I got. I should’ve just taken one and said George Washington would’ve had an iPhone.)
Happy Holidays.

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Valentine’s Gift Suggestions

I’m about to put my hair in a ponytail so I can go buy my Valentine’s gift from my husband.  He’s already told me what he’s getting me but the store closes before he gets home so I’m off to get it myself.  I told him I’d bought myself some nice shoes on sale and they could count.  (When I bought them, I decided I could wear them for Valentine’s Day thus giving me justification for purchasing them.  And they are Via Spiga for under $40.  Via Spiga shoes are generally $150-$300.  They’re strappy dress shoes completely unrealistic to wear in the 6 inches of snow we have but when I saw them for under $40 and in my size with free shipping, I knew it was a sign to purchase them and wear them the first chance I get.  Due to the horrible winter everyone is having, this is looking like it will occur sometime in July.)

(Of 2015.)

But my husband had different ideas.

We’ve been having a cold winter.  Last week, most nights were below -30.  For some reason, our bedroom is not very warm.  So I’ve been compensating.

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I think this screams Romance

I wear a hooded fleece, long john sweats, and socks to sleep in.  I also wrap up in a blanket before I get under the covers.  I sleep incredibly warm.  AND My sweats, fleece AND blanket match.  I’m incredibly stylin’.

So my husband came home last night and declared we were getting a fireplace for our bedroom and it would be my Valentine’s Day gift.  We went to the fireplace store and it was closed.  Lowe’s selection was replaced with vegetable seeds so I’m heading back today.  It’s going to be a bit of a process because I have to figure out if we’re going to tear a hole in the wall for gas or just plug in an electric one.  I’m hedging toward electric, because if this is what I wear when the wall is complete, you can’t imagine what I’ll be wearing if there is a hole in the wall.

It won’t be Via Spiga sandals, that’s for sure.

I’ve Made a Rash (and yet Delicious) Decision

I’ve made a rash decision and I’ve done so without discussing it with my husband.  I hope he understands but if he doesn’t, it’s really too late.  I hope it doesn’t do any permanent damage to our relationship but I feel as though it was a personal decision and I was ready.  It’s taken a few years to get here but I feel as though I’ve matured enough now and it’s time.

I signed up for the Fruit and Cheese of the Month Club.

I’m kind of excited.  Fruit of the Month seemed like a really big decision and I couldn’t do it.  But then I saw that I could get it with cheese and it was as though the whole world expanded.

With cheese, Fruit of the Month becomes educational.  I figure Harry and David will do all of the work matching what cheese goes best with what fruit and all I have to do is blend the two.  By the end of the year, I will know how to eat cheese and fruit TOGETHER.

I also feel as though this gives my children a hand up in the world.  They will grow up knowing what cheese goes best with what fruit.  Something I didn’t have at their age. Who knows what doors this may open?  I’m pretty sure it will help with the Harvard applications.  (Although truth be told, I’ve been flirting with Stanford lately.)

I will keep you updated.  I promise to share my new knowledge.  Otherwise it would really just be selfish.

I hope my husband understands.

Does it come cut up and dipped in chocolate too?

Does it come cut up and dipped in chocolate too?

TV Teaches All Essential Life Lessons

Here is the completely unnecessary background story:
So on Friday, my training was to run 7.1 miles.  I had the whole season of Rizzoli and Isles on DVR.  But I turned on my cable and it didn’t work.  I had to get a new cable box which meant a clean DVR.  So I decided to buy the season online, because I can think of few things worse than running 7.1 miles without destraction.  But then my Blue-ray didn’t work so I couldn’t watch it on my TV.  So I balanced my Ipad on the treadmill for 7.1 miles.  And I tried not to run too loudly.

 
Oh.  And background, background story: My husband thinks the microwave is broken but it works for me which makes me think it likes me more.
And before I went running I was on an ichat for 40 minutes to be told to plug my blue-ray into a different TV (which we don’t have.)  I was told this twice and then the helpful person ended the conversation.  And then I called and was told it was broken.  After 40 more minutes.  So I was in a bad mood.  And that was BEFORE I started running.

 
And then I watched Rizzoli and Isles and Rizzoli’s mom told her to think of 3 good things for every bad thing she thought.
And this is what I thought:

  1.  I don’t have to run 8 miles for one more week.
  2. I have chocolate in my freezer.
  3. TV shows solve most of life’s dilemmas in less than 45 minutes.

You should try this next time you have a bad thought.  It really works.  Until the microwave won’t pop a simple bag of popcorn.

Here Fishy Fishy Fishy

I just got the receipt for a fish my husband is having stuffed and mounted onto a plaque. I’m not sure if these are the correct terms, but my knowledge in this field is limited. And I wish it was more limited.

Because this is expensive.

I could buy 10 pairs of shoes. Or at least one.

I think he’s giving it to his mom for Christmas. I’m unsure if she reads my blog, but even if she does, I think one should be prepared if one is going to receive a large, dead fish as a gift.

If we are keeping it, it may end up at the lake. In a closet. In the garage.
Except that it cost so much to have it modge podged that we would have to hang it where people could see it.

Like at his office.

He scares kids there already, after all.

Welcome To Our Home

Welcome To Our Home

(Disclaimer: it is a huge fish and I may have asked if he was getting it mounted because it was so big and I would actually hang it up at the lake but how fun is that?)

Are There Social Norms for Buying a Gun?

I think I committed a social faux pas.  At the same time, I’ve been watching reruns of House, which may be skewing my level of social acceptability.  If I use House as my baseline, I was as polite as one would be to the Queen.

My husband got some gift certificates to Cabela’s and decided we should get some camping gear and a hunting rifle.  I spent my time looking at Columbia clothing on clearance, but that only lasted about ten minutes.  So I wandered over.

I don’t know much about guns and I generally don’t hang out by them.  I saw some amazing replicas of 1800’s revolvers.  I told my husband a real man would hunt with black powder revolvers while taking the law into his own hands.  He ignored me.

So I looked around a bit.  I saw a couple buying a rifle.  The woman, in a tank top, was leaning over the display case.  I didn’t pay much attention until she turned around and I saw she was breast feeding.

No blanket.  Just sort of out there.  And that’s when I committed the faux pas.  I stared.  I will admit it.  I stared.  I normally don’t pay any attention at all to breast feeding and I have no real opinion about covering up or where you should breast feed.  Do what you think is best, I say.

That being said.

If you choose to breast feed while buying a rifle, I don’t think it’s beyond the scope of imagination to think you’re gonna get a few looks.

Rifle….  Scope….  I don’t know much about guns and yet I just made a HILARIOUS pun.

I think seeing my husband taking down an Elk with one of these would be sexy.  Unless he got gored because of how close he'd have to get to actually hit the elk.

I think seeing my husband taking down an Elk with one of these would be sexy. Unless he got gored because of how close he’d have to get to actually hit the elk.

Vocabulary Lessons

We are going backpacking as a family.  I’m not sure what has come over us but I guess we’re trying to force nature on our children.  It makes me feel better about letting small electronic devices occupy their time when I want a nap.

And to be honest, Kevin originally asked me if I wanted to go HIKING as a family.  Then he told his friend we were going BACKPACKING.  He didn’t think his change in vocabulary was that big a deal until I said I was going to buy a 2k cubic zirconia but was actually going to buy a 2k diamond.

I’m nervous about the backpack I’ll be wearing.  Kevin has said it’s a horrible bag but now that we need me to wear it, he is now saying it’s horrible because it’s too small not because it’s a horrible bag.  I’m usually not as picky on vocabulary as I have been recently.  But if I have to carry all of my possessions on my back, I need an amazing backpack and I think that’s why the story has changed.  Amazing backpacks come with an amazing price.

And we can’t afford it anymore.  Not after my previous vocabulary lesson.

(Dear prospective thieves: I didn’t REALLY buy a 2k diamond.  But it made for a better ending.  If you look through my jewelry box, you will find the cubic zirconia.  What if I just leave you a $20 on the front door?)

The Hiawatha Trail

We took our kids on the Hiawatha Trail. It used to be part of the Milwaukee Railroad.

“It was called one of the most scenic stretches of railroad in the country. When the Milwaukee Railroad was operating, the trains traversed through 11 tunnels and over 9 high trestles, covering a 46 mile route that crossed the rugged Bitterroot Mountains between Idaho and Montana. The “Route of the Hiawatha” is most famous for the long St. Paul Pass, or Taft Tunnel which burrows for 8771 ft. (1.66 miles) under the Bitterroot Mountains at the state line.”

Now they’ve covered the tracks with dirt and you mountain bike over it.  It’s a beautiful path.  We put tag-a-longs on the back of my bike and Kevin’s so that the two youngest road with us and our oldest road his own bike.

The first 1.6 miles are in a completely black tunnel.  You have to wear headlamps or a bike light to make it.  On both sides of the tunnel there are 18 inch ditches for water runoff.

(I highly recommend learning to ride with a tag-a-long and kid before entering a slightly sloped, completely black tunnel with water dripping from the ceiling.  It throws balancing off just a wee bit.)

It took us 3ish hours to get down the path.  It was mostly downhill.  We paused occasionally to read the historic signs along the way and to eat unhealthy snacks.  We thought of riding back up but the shuttle was right there waiting for us.  It was a sign.  And we didn’t realize how tired we were until we sat down.  And closed our eyes.

They drop you off at the end of the tunnel so you have to bike through it again.  Seeing as we were experts at riding our bikes in the dark, it went much faster the second time.
I recommend riding bikes in a dark tunnel.  It makes you feel like you’ve done something incredibly cool and dangerous without actually doing anything cool or dangerous.

We're waiting for endorsement deals.

We’re waiting for endorsement deals.

Out of the Comedy Groove

Lately I feel like I’ve gotten out of my comedy groove.  I’ve been treading water and although I learned to swim, I didn’t properly learn how to tread water.  It has something to do with moving your legs in different directions like egg beaters except that I don’t really use egg beaters unless I’m at my parents house and at home I just use a whisk and they don’t teach the ‘whisk’ way to tread water because you have two legs.

Let’s alter this metaphor.  I feel as though I’m up to my eyes in life.  Which also is technically not possible and I would come up with a better metaphor if I weren’t up to my eyeballs.

I had a week and I’m trying to bounce back and I can’t get enough air under me.  I can see the humor in it all but I can’t make it funny.  I feel like my squeaker is broken.

I threw 2 bday parties with over 13 kids each within 24 hours.   I had to do forensic accounting and find missing money (which sounds cool but is really depressing.).  An old friend decided to be ungracious, I woke up to be told I have skin cancer (minor, non-threatening, really just more of a pain kind) and then I got a migraine at the end of my triathlon.

There is TONS of material in here.  I mean all of this happened within a week.  And instead of it happening in 3’s, it happened in 6’s which just seems unfair and yet incredibly hilarious.  It’s unfortunate I didn’t get it in pictures.

I am definitely learning that no matter what happens in life, we can’t judge other people because they may have woken up and realized that every single kindergartener was in fact coming to the birthday party that night and they only had 12 squirt guns.  When faced with this type of pressure, a person is going to snap and it may happen while you’re watching.

So next time you find someone twitching while in line at Target, instead of passing judgement, pass them a Diet Coke.

(See?  I just don’t have it.  I think the migraine killed some brain cells.)
(I’m hoping the procedure to remove skin one layer at a time brings the funny back.)

Someone who does this to themselves should never lose their comedy groove.

Someone who does this to herself should never lose her comedy groove.