Tag Archives: Marianne Hansen

I’ve Been Asked to Be a Bridesmaid

Or maybe a groomsman…  I’m a little confused.

I’ve been asked to do a fundraiser for the local YMCA.  You’re supposed to vote for me by sending money.  This is the website http://helenaychallenge.org/

I’m not on there yet because I couldn’t find a head shot that wasn’t from 6 years ago.  I don’t even do selfies that often.  And when I do, they aren’t serious ones that people would actually vote for me to be a bridesmaid.

I had these to choose from:

This may confuse people.

This may confuse people.

I think I look hawt.

I think I look hawt.

At least I'm wearing lipstick.

At least I’m wearing lipstick.

(You can guess which picture I used.)

Most of the pictures I take of myself are of my shoes.

I can fly in this.

I can fly in this.

But I said I’d do it so I actually used a selfie I took to show my friend my new hair in my car.  How sad is that?  You should really go donate because I have the worst picture.

Here’s the catch.  I can’t go to the party at the end of the fundraising.  It’s the night before the Seattle half which I have not been training for due to my “injury.”

So I’m trying to think of things I can do for people who donate the most in my name.  I was thinking of letting the number one donator have a pair of my shoes but I can’t do that.  They’re a part of me.  Like my children.

Or they could see my shoe collection, but then I’d have to clean my closet.

So I need some suggestions on what I can do for the top five donators…

and donate

http://helenaychallenge.org/  (My picture is sideways. So that makes it even better.)

How to Shoplift and Not Feel Guilty

I was walking by a store yesterday and my eye was caught by a brown, leather bag.  I pressed my head against the window to see if I could see a price tag.  It was a good price, in my opinion, and I thought I should get it in case of an emergency.

So I bought it.

I kind of looked inside, but not really.  It’s a big bag I’ll be throwing things in so the inside pockets really don’t matter to me.  I knew there was something inside of it, but I figured it was just another bag to keep this one in with an extra strap.

But when I went to use it this morning, there was a whole other purse inside.

The more I look at it, the more I think all of this goes together.  I just can't believe the price.  If I'd paid $75 or over, no question.  I didn't pay close to that.

The more I look at it, the more I think all of this goes together. I just can’t believe the price. If I’d paid $75 or over, I’d be fine, but I didn’t pay close to that.

I don’t see that as being an accessory.  If it is, these purses were an INCREDIBLY good price.  And the second one doesn’t have a price tag and matches completely so I may not have stolen a second purse.  I may not have a life of crime.  I may not need to flee to Canada later today.

But I feel guilty.  OK, the title to this piece is misleading.  I do feel guilty.  I don’t feel guilty about stealing, though.  (Because I didn’t actually steal anything.  I just may have walked off with merchandise I didn’t pay for.)  I feel guilty that the boss came in and screamed at the employee for not taking the second purse out of the first one because the one I bought was a display and the 2nd one could’ve been used to puff out the first one to make it look bigger.  And I would question none of this except I saw almost the exact purse without a second one inside.  Maybe someone stole THAT purse.

So I’m going to call  this morning, and make sure everything is fine.

Because I’m a nice person.  And I’m kind of hoping that I’m completely wrong about this and I get two purses for the price of one.

Or if I’m right,  maybe a free cookie.

 

Mood Diagnosis

My friend got me The Daily Mood by Fred.  It’s a flip chart with a mood and picture on one side and the definition of that mood on the other.

For example:

photo 2

Adjective:  Very satisfactory; A-OK: I’m pretty sure copacetic is a made-up word.

Copacetic may have originated from African American slang in the late 19th century.  It is used almost exclusively in North America, and is said to have been first widely publicized in communications between the astronauts and Mission Control of the Apollo Program in the 1960’s.

Writer and film director David Mamet suggests that “copacetic” is a contraction of “All is well, for the Cop is on the settee.”

Usage Tips:

I thought Copacetic was a new dance club.

He said it was copacetic but really it was fubar.

Synonym: peanut butter and jelly

Antonym: Anchovies

Anagram: Acetic Cop

Pig Latin: Opacetic Cay

This flip chart makes me very, very happy, but I don’t think I use it right.  I think I’m supposed to find the mood I’m currently in.  Instead, I use it more as a Magic 8 ball to TELL me my mood.

First thing in the morning, I grab the flip chart, randomly open it and whatever mood it lands on is the mood I’ll be that day.

So, for instance, today I will be:

photo 1

Adjective; 1. Excessively stimulated; too much external stimuli: I had to stop shopping at the gourmet grocery store because it always overstimulated me to the point of wiping out my checking.

2. Overly energized

Sensory overload is a condition where one or more of the five senses are strained and it becomes difficult to focus on the task at hand.

Death By Caffeine from energyfiend.com

-A 120 lb. person could drink 102.38 cans of Red Bull before croaking

-A 180 lb. person could drink 153.56 Red Bulls before pushing the daisies.

Synonym: Wired

Antonym: Tired

Anagram: Medieval Tutors

Pig Latin: Overstimulatedway

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to listen to my iPod while watching TV while writing my next post after drinking a safe 5 Red Bulls.

Passion

I recently read that I’m supposed to write with passion but I think I’m too tired.  I’m unsure I’m passionate about anything right now.  I’m too busy making sure my kids reach their accelerated reader goal and memorize their times tables and eat their vegetables.

I’m really bad at that last one.

I’m editing and writing and triathlon training starts in two weeks.  I’m unsure I feel passionate about any of those things.

I’ve been falling asleep to the original Melrose Place recently.  They seem to have a lot of passion.  I’ve noticed they move their heads a lot when they kiss.  I think this is supposed to represent passion.  I think it looks painful.  I think at some point I’d yell, “Can you just keep still for one minute?  Because if you can’t, this relationship is over.  I don’t care that you slept with my mother, two sisters and a cousin.  The relationship is over because you move your head way too much when you kiss me.”

I’ve also noticed that a lot of people who were on daytime soaps were on Melrose Place.  I watched soaps in jr. high and high school.  People on soaps had passion.  But then people stopped watching soaps and now soaps are almost all gone.  People now watch talk shows.

Talk show hosts seem to have passion.  But they have passion about EVERYTHING.  It tires me out.  How can you be passionate about EVERY topic out there?  There are some I just don’t care about.  Like the truth behind the Shamrock Shake.

Social media also makes me feel like I have to have passion about everything.  There are opinions out there about anything.  I don’t think I have that many opinions but sometimes I think I should.  I could develop passion about my lack of passion.

That sentence makes me tired.

I’ve decided I’m going to look at not feeling tons of passion about random things as a good thing.  I’ve decided it shows that I’m accepting.  A friend recently told me that I’m “curious enough to love people regardless of who they were.”

It was really kind of her to say that. I don’t know if it’s always true.

I do know it’s how I feel about the Shamrock Shake, though.

I guess I am passionate about fashion.

I guess I am passionate about fashion.

Sleeping With Downton Abbey

Downton Abbey is over for another year.  This means I have to go back to being a middle class American instead of an upper class Brit.  I’m pretty sure I would have been upper class.  Mostly because this is my fantasy and I’d rather pretend to be married to a Lord than working in the kitchen.

Does anyone imagine themselves working downstairs when an imagination can put you anywhere?  I wonder.

My fantasies generally revolve around my ability to nap.  I’m assuming my opportunities to nap would be better upstairs than downstairs.  I wonder when anyone slept at all to be honest.

People used to sleep twice at night.  They’d wake up for about an hour to pray, write, or even visit neighbors.  Then they’d go back to sleep for a few more hours.  This habit ended completely by 1920.  Then everyone started trying to shorten how much sleep they got.  The less you sleep the better a person you are because you get more done, I guess.

I think that’s wrong.

I think that’s why society is going downhill.  Everyone is cranky because they haven’t gotten enough sleep.  If everyone would just get more sleep we could end disagreements sooner and we’d eat less carbs.

It would be a win-win-win.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go take a nap.  I would like my tea brought to me in an hour and a half.

Thank you.

Be a dear and pour me a cuppa.

Be a dear and pour me a cup