Tag Archives: old

George Bailey Lassos Stork

Let me tell you a story.  It may get medically graphic at points so precede with caution.
It’s a story of surprise and extreme emotion.

it’s a story about life’s little comedies.

Two and a half months ago, I took my kids to Disneyland.  it was a fun-filled week of junk food and rides and not enough sleep.  I came home and collapsed.  I was kind of sleepy Sunday but didn’t think anything of it.

But then I was exhausted Monday.  I took a nap in the afternoon and couldn’t stay awake past 7pm that night.  The same thing happened Tuesday.  My husband told people I didn’t travel well.  I replied, “I went to Disneyland; not India.”

By Friday, I decided my anemia was acting up again and I should probably up my iron.  The day before my period starts, I usually fall asleep around 6pm and sleep 12 hours because of my anemia.  I said to my husband, “Hey.  I think I’m a week late.  I wonder if my body is messed up and so I can’t get over this hurdle or something.”

I texted Hollie: I’m a week late.  It’s driving me nuts.
She replied: Holy Crap.  If I lived there, I’d be right over with a test and lots of chocolates.

I thought, “I don’t need a test.  There is no way this is anything but my body being weird.”

The next morning I took the kids to school and bought a box of 2 tests so I could just get rid of this silly idea.  I forced myself to pee but didn’t think I’d gotten anything on the test.  (Leave me alone.  It’d been a while.)

So I put it in my pocket and started drinking tons of water and decided I’d just take the test at my personal trainer’s house.  Which isn’t as odd as it sounds because it was going to be negative and I was going to have to pee there anyhow.  And then we were going to LAUGH.

I pulled out of my pocket what I thought was basically an untaken test.  It had a faint positive.  I started to shake.  I ran back to my car and grabbed the other one in the box.  I took it and it IMMEDIATELY came up positive.  None of this “wait three minutes” crap.

I may have freaked out slightly.  My personal trainer may have later told me I scared her a bit.

I decided that the box was OBVIOUSLY faulty and I should get two DIFFERENT brands.

After I took five tests and they all came up positive rather quickly, I went to go find Kevin.

He asked if I was sure.  I called my old OBGYN (who I haven’t gone to in SEVEN years) and talked to his nurse.

FYI: If you ask an OB nurse what five positive home pregnancy tests mean, expect her to laugh a little.  (Both she and my regular practitioner’s nurse who I also called to find out what five positives mean (shut up.  I also called my father in law who is a physician.  All had the same answer.) asked, once they heard the panic in my voice, “Is this a happy thing?” I replied, “It’s just a surprise.”  Both asked, “How old is your youngest?” “Seven.” “oooooh. yes.  well, congratulations!.”)

We scheduled a blood test.  (Because, I mean, there are recalls all the time.  How were we to know that three different shipments of three different brands of pregnancy tests weren’t faulty?)

I probably would’ve done the rabbit test if it were still available.


I want lots of gifts.

I still think it could be the flu.

I still think it could be the flu.

(PS.  I have mixed emotions and my hormones are out of this world.  I am not a perky pregnant woman.  I’m simply a woman who is pregnant and who has 6 more months to live in denial.  Please remember this, and the fact I’m about to seriously outweigh you, before asking, “Aren’t you so excited?”)

Getting Old

I recently visited my parents.  My parents are in their 80’s.  They’re beginning to get old.

When people start getting old, things just go wrong with the body.  When you ask the doctor why these things are happening, the doctor will look at you and say, “You’re old.”

I find the fact my parents are getting old to be selfish on their part.

Because it’s making me into a hypochondriac.

My Mom is waiting to have her second knee surgery.  Due to this fact, I’m constantly imagining knee issues that I don’t actually have.  Sometimes I run with a knee brace because my mom’s knee is hurting her.  It makes no sense except it kind of does.  If you don’t think hard.

My Dad had red lines on his arm that have since gone away but appear on my arm when I’m tired, emotional, and wearing a knee brace.

It also doesn’t help that whenever we drive by a funeral home, my Mom points out it’s a funeral home and whether or not it’s the one that my parents have purchased a burial program from.  I know where all of the funeral homes in Riverton, Utah are.  It’s a bit of trivia that’s fun for dinner parties.

The whole thing is freaking me out.  And I’m too young to freak out.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get up and move around for a moment.  My back is stiff from sitting in the same position for too long.