Tag Archives: resolutions

I Need a Sign for Days I Try to Hide Out

There’s this odd phenomenon in my life and I want to know if others have it as well.

On certain days, when I know I don’t have to go anywhere until my kids come home, I’ll shower, get half ready, put my pajama bottoms back on and wait to put any make up on.  And I love it.

BUT if the doorbell rings, I panic.  How dare someone randomly stop by on a day when I don’t put base on until 3:05pm?

Today, it was UPS.  The package is still on the porch.  And it will be.  Until 3:10.

But then I think: why do I look as comfortable/bad as I can when someone coming by brings complete and utter terror?  Should I make a sign to put on my door?  What should it say?

I really am home, but until I’m no longer in my pj bottoms, I will not be opening this door.

Leave whatever you’ve brought and back away slowly.  Any resistance will be met by a Medusa-like creature.

Real people with real lives don’t come out until after dark.  PS  What’s your blood type?

Unless you have chocolate cake, don’t ring the bell.

What would your sign say?

You can see if I'm in my office as you walk to the door.  (And I know our lawn is AMAZING)

You can see if I’m in my office as you walk to the door. (And I know our lawn is AMAZING)

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TV Teaches All Essential Life Lessons

Here is the completely unnecessary background story:
So on Friday, my training was to run 7.1 miles.  I had the whole season of Rizzoli and Isles on DVR.  But I turned on my cable and it didn’t work.  I had to get a new cable box which meant a clean DVR.  So I decided to buy the season online, because I can think of few things worse than running 7.1 miles without destraction.  But then my Blue-ray didn’t work so I couldn’t watch it on my TV.  So I balanced my Ipad on the treadmill for 7.1 miles.  And I tried not to run too loudly.

 
Oh.  And background, background story: My husband thinks the microwave is broken but it works for me which makes me think it likes me more.
And before I went running I was on an ichat for 40 minutes to be told to plug my blue-ray into a different TV (which we don’t have.)  I was told this twice and then the helpful person ended the conversation.  And then I called and was told it was broken.  After 40 more minutes.  So I was in a bad mood.  And that was BEFORE I started running.

 
And then I watched Rizzoli and Isles and Rizzoli’s mom told her to think of 3 good things for every bad thing she thought.
And this is what I thought:

  1.  I don’t have to run 8 miles for one more week.
  2. I have chocolate in my freezer.
  3. TV shows solve most of life’s dilemmas in less than 45 minutes.

You should try this next time you have a bad thought.  It really works.  Until the microwave won’t pop a simple bag of popcorn.

It’s Not a Coffee Shop, but I Do What I Can

So my goal has been to write but summer is… summer.  I find myself taking my kids all over the place just so I don’t have to hear them say: “I’m bored.”  (And when they do say it I can then rattle off all the places I’ve taken them and then talk about what an amazing mother I am for at least 5 minutes while they have to sit there.)

A few weeks ago I went to Utah to do some school shopping. (A total bust for the boys.  They still only had short sleeve shirts in the stores I visited.  And my 6 year old is still deciding if he’s a size 7 or 8.  I’m hoping he grows the extra half inch, BEFORE I buy pants.)  And we went to Chuckie Cheese and a water park and the new Percy Jackson movie.  I couldn’t do much writing in the movie theater, but I did pretty good at Chuckie Cheese and the water park.

I recommend writing at Chuckie Cheese.  It has unlimited Diet Pepsi.

This would be better proof if the notebook were actually open.

This would be better proof if the notebook were actually open.

 

A Covert, Elementary Operation

So my friend was making fun of me because I was wondering if I should change my running route.  In case someone has been following me and noting that I run the same three mile path every time I run.  At varying times during the day.

And that’s the thing.  I don’t run the same time every day.  But I generally run the same path.  And I watch Elementary so I know that running the same path is a bad idea.

If you run at the same time every day.

In New York City.

Which may have been my friend’s point.

But this has been a moot point lately because I’ve been running inside.  I want to say due to heat but it’s mainly because that’s the only time I can watch Covert Affairs. 

I may be watching too much crime drama.

Look how vulnerable I look

Look how vulnerable I look

Vocabulary Lessons

We are going backpacking as a family.  I’m not sure what has come over us but I guess we’re trying to force nature on our children.  It makes me feel better about letting small electronic devices occupy their time when I want a nap.

And to be honest, Kevin originally asked me if I wanted to go HIKING as a family.  Then he told his friend we were going BACKPACKING.  He didn’t think his change in vocabulary was that big a deal until I said I was going to buy a 2k cubic zirconia but was actually going to buy a 2k diamond.

I’m nervous about the backpack I’ll be wearing.  Kevin has said it’s a horrible bag but now that we need me to wear it, he is now saying it’s horrible because it’s too small not because it’s a horrible bag.  I’m usually not as picky on vocabulary as I have been recently.  But if I have to carry all of my possessions on my back, I need an amazing backpack and I think that’s why the story has changed.  Amazing backpacks come with an amazing price.

And we can’t afford it anymore.  Not after my previous vocabulary lesson.

(Dear prospective thieves: I didn’t REALLY buy a 2k diamond.  But it made for a better ending.  If you look through my jewelry box, you will find the cubic zirconia.  What if I just leave you a $20 on the front door?)

Carry On, Carry On

Today is a vent and gripe.  I feel as though that is sufficient warning.

2nd warning: this post is truly written from a married woman with small children’s point of view.  I can’t prove it, but I think it’s written this way because I’m a married woman with small children.  And I wrote it.
Recently I read a book in my book club where the author goes on a 3 month hike in order to overcome life challenges and “find herself” or something like that.  I have issues with books where the author has a life crisis, leaves everything and everyone and “finds themselves” while on an excursion in Europe or in the woods for an extended amount of time.
These books frustrate me because most of us can’t/won’t do this but still have life changing experiences we have to live through along with complex relationships with spouses and kids and friends and annoying neighbors.
I want a book where the author makes it through the day by blasting music in the laundry room; who sings Carry On at the top of her voice while driving to the school to volunteer; who gets in the car and wonders what would happen if they just kept driving, but doesn’t; who would give anything in the world to take a 3 month walk in the woods but instead gets up, makes her kids breakfast and lunch, figures out dinner and does everything she can to smile at everyone and not take out her angst on those around her.  At the end of the “leave everything books,” there is a sense of accomplishment: I did something amazing.  At the end of my book, there would be the fact that what the author did that’s amazing is get up every single day and do the same thing and know that she would keep doing it and find her sanity in the middle of THAT and have to keep finding it.  (But always suspecting that it is somewhere behind the dryer with the lost socks.)

Sometimes we can get a weekend away, but instead of preparing for our trip by getting a divorce, selling all of our possessions and buying a tent, we arrange frozen meals, babysitters, finish laundry, and leave activities for everyone involved all the while knowing that we will be coming back to exactly what we are leaving.
Is there a book like that out there?  Would anyone read it?  Is it written as fiction?  Does everything come together at the end for her or is it more honest and she admits that she knows once she gets through this stage of life, the next one will just have a different theme song…
In my lowly opinion, it takes real strength to stay sane while visiting the same dinosaur museum 3x a year for the last 10 years.
Thank you for reading.  I appreciate your attention.  Now if you don’t mind, I must go read up on the two hypotheses that explain Cretaceous extinction and try once again to learn the correct pronunciation of creatures that died THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO CAN WE JUST MOVE ON?

Supernatural Cookies

It’s Girl Scout Cookies season.  My daughter sold them this year.  This has solidified my belief that these cookies have magical powers.  At the very least, they’re supernatural.  I’ve studied this.  Intently.  And based upon my scientific research* I have deduced a few hypotheses:

  1. Thin Mints can be eaten faster than any other cookie.
  2. Thin Mints must be eaten a row at a time.  Once a row is opened, it will be consumed within ten minutes.  Do not fight this.
  3. Once a box is open, it will be eaten within a day.
  4. No one buys just one box.  Unless they are buying one box from five different people.
  5. Buying cookies from cute, smiling uniformed girls makes you believe the cookies are for a good cause and that this time you will not consume them all in one day.
  6. They are only sold yearly so that you forget how quickly you eat them, leading you to buy more because you can freeze them and eat them slowly, which you have never done in the 10 years you’ve been buying them.
  7. No one has ever paid any attention to the outside of the box, leading one to wonder why in the world the boxes are decorated at all.  Everyone only pays attention to the color of the box.  Thin Mints = green.  Samoas = purple.  Tagalongs = red.  ETC

I also believe no one truly remembers the boxes they order and you could deliver the wrong boxes as long as you include some Thin Mints and Samoas.  I did not test this theory completely, however.  I did substitute a box of Samoas for a box of Tagalongs due to the fact that we kept our cookies in the garage and when we went to deliver them, one box of Tagalongs had mysteriously been opened with a row eaten, but not by any of my children, of course.  Obviously someone broke into our garage, ate 4 cookies, then left.

I think the only thing that would make Girl Scout Cookies better would be if you could fly when you ate them.

I had 72 boxes in my house at one point.  I have the control of a warrior.

I had 72 boxes in my house at one point. I have the control of a warrior.

*I’ve eaten at least 3 boxes a year since the age of 10.