Tag Archives: stay at home mom

A Case of the Stay-At-Home-Mom Blues

I haven’t been on here recently.  It’s been a difficult time.  I have the stay-at-home-mom blues.  At least that’s what I’ve decided to call them.

It’s that feeling that what you do doesn’t really matter.  Someone else could step into my place and do everything I do without much difference.  Anyone can make bacon in the microwave or cook slightly burnt pancakes.  In fact, someone else may make pancakes that take eggs and oil instead of just water.  So they would do it BETTER.

I know I’m not the only one to get into this groove occasionally.  I think everyone has a trigger.   I have two.

1) Occasionally, about every couple of months, I’m actually told that my life is not as important as others’ and I should change my schedule to fit others’ better.  If I do not change my schedule of unimportant things or change how I parent, I am a selfish, selfish person.

2) I go to a continuing law class for me or some dental conference for my husband and I am completely non-existent.

I usually turn #2 into a game.  People have to be fairly narrow minded to not be able to talk to a spouse about anything but their profession.  There is a rather wide range of topics out there ready to be discussed in this wide, wide world.  The app Trivia Crack is proof.  Of course if these topics are not found in Entertainment Weekly, I can’t really be bothered; but I never said I was not one of the narrow minded folk.

#1 is a little harder.  I don’t know if my schedule is that important.  I try to be available if a teacher or child needs me.  I try to keep the house running and organized, but who couldn’t do this instead of me?  If I don’t over-extend or do things I hate/feel I can’t do, am I selfish?  What are the measures for these things?

Is the person saying these things to me truly the selfish one?

Hard to know.

I’m doing my best to snap out of it and realize my small, little life has some meaning.  It’s not always easy.

Like today.  I decided to be mother of the year and make my kids cookies for their day off of school.  Except they were the ready bake kind.  And I burnt half of them because the top oven of my double oven doesn’t cook evenly.  Then I ate the four that were left undercooked because I COULD NOT BELIEVE I failed at ready bake cookies.

Swimming sounded like a good plan next.  Endorphins always help.  Until I started to get incredibly nauseous with a killer headache because I’d completely forgotten to eat breakfast and being pregnant and swimming 800 meters on 4 semi-raw cookies does not cut it.

But there is still hope.

There’s an 80% chance that when I order pizza for dinner tonight, one of the two pizzas will be enjoyed.  And the other will be eaten in my bed at midnight while watching Hart of Dixie reruns.  I’d invite you, but 80% is still kinda risky.  Best to test the odds on my own and instead invite you to lunch next week.

After all.  There’s nothing on my schedule important enough I can’t move.

This is the picture in my kitchen.  I'm wondering if I should add a % so people know what they're in for.

This is in my kitchen. I’m wondering if I should add a % so people know what they’re in for.

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And What Do You Do?

How do you answer that question?

Last night we had a political meet and greet at our house.  I’ve spent the last month hanging things on the walls that had been on the floor below where they should be hung for the last year.  I bought some furniture that I’ve needed so that the house looks a little more put together.  I’ve been throwing things away and streamlining our house.

Yesterday I cleaned the house with some professional help.  While she was cleaning the floor, I was picking up clothes, rearranging the book case, going through the toys, vacuuming the base boards, washing the windows, doing the little things you only do when strangers come over.

Most of the food was purchased for me, but I put it out and I added some to it because it didn’t fill the table.

Kevin was in charge of the meeting.  He talked and I smiled.  Then I was asked what I do.

I never know how to answer that.  I don’t have an issue with the fact that I’m a stay-at-home mom.  I mean, I would love a full time job, but I honestly feel  like it’s best for my family to stay home.  Maybe that’s why I never know what to say… I would like to be able to say more.

I think I’ve written about this before.  But it’s a topic that comes up over and over again.

And part of the problem is that no matter how far we think we’ve evolved in accepting people for who they are, some people will always think stay at home moms nap all day.  I wonder if that’s because half the time I don’t shower until noon.  That isn’t due to napping, however.

Lately, when I do say that I’m a SAHM, the person I’m talking to usually goes out of their way to say how important that is and how wonderful it is, etc.  I also wish there was just a response that flowed with the conversation.  But there doesn’t seem to be.

What about you?  What do you say?  If you have a job, do you mention being a mom at all?  What’s a good answer? And response?

Look!  I Decorated.  This is What I Do so that I Look Like a FUN MOM!!! (the true ultimate goal)

Look! I Decorated. This is What I Do so that I Look Like a FUN MOM!!! (the true ultimate goal)

Planning the Perfect Midlife Crisis

At this time of year, I generally have a constant headache.  It is either a “Christmas is how many days away?” headache or the “the year is ending and I have done what with it?” headache.   And because my birthday is in February, I also have the “I’m turning… and I don’t even have a bucket list” headache.  And the fact that the theme of my headache keeps changing, causes a headache to fill in the gaps while the stresses alternate.

Recently I found the blog called Thoughts Appear.  At the top of her website, she has 30 before 30 and 35 before 35 pages.  She accomplished 30 things before she turned 30 and now she is working on 35.  I love this idea.

I will be 40 in a little over a year.  I would like to accomplish 40 things, but I’m not sure a year is enough time.  So I’ve decided to develop a different, yet equally worthwhile goal.

I have decided to plan out my midlife crisis.

I do not want to turn 40.  I have not accomplished what I would like with my writing, I do not have a PHD and I live in suburbia as a stay at home mom.  I am in the PTO. I may even be on a couple committees.  I think this makes me a perfect candidate for a crisis.

And I want it to be good.

I did not accomplish last year’s resolutions.  I tried to have a car chase by going 35 in a 25 mph zone, but I just pulled over when the cop lights went on.

I’m going to make this more realistic.

I don’t have it all planned, but I have a couple ideas running around.

I am definitely getting into shape.  I plan on running a race every month from March to September so when I do turn 40, preferably in another country with a cabana boy, I will look incredible and it will be completely realistic for the cabana boy to have the hots for me.

And I plan on having a secret rendezvous with my husband at Sundance Film Festival where I will make him call me Fifi all weekend.  The tips of my hair will be aquamarine, to match my fake nails.  (The fact that I just announced this on the internet makes me realize I may need to work on perfecting my secrecy techniques.  I blame it on my crisis.)

And I am SERIOUSLY considering joining the Fruit of the Month club.  It’s just a really big commitment.

So over the next few weeks, I will be developing my crisis plan.  If you have any suggestions, please send them my way.