Tag Archives: training

Where Have I Been?

I have a lot to catch you up on.  My family and I went to Honduras and I went to a writing conference where I learned Ned Stark is NOT Tony Stark’s dad.  But the reason I have not been here lately is (laziness but let’s not be honest about this) due to a traumatic event in my life.

That's an elk hoof.  or foot.  No longer part of the elk.  And that's my kitchen floor.

That’s an elk hoof. or foot. No longer part of the elk. And that’s my kitchen floor.

My husband shot an elk.  Not a big deal.  But then when my son asked if they could bring home a leg for the dog, my husband said, “sure.”

While everyone was gone, the dog brought it into my house and dragged it around.  (Once you bring an elk leg home, the house is no longer yours.)

I screamed.  I locked myself in my room with Oreos.  But the side door was open and the dog brought the elk hoof INTO MY ROOM.

I called a friend’s husband to come remove it, but once he got on the phone, I felt too proud to ask him to come over to move the hoof 2 feet to the porch.  I made him stay on the line as I kicked it out the door, however.  And when the skin wrapped around my ankle, I screamed.

But it was out of the house.

I thanked Chad for being there for me and then I hung up the phone.  Only for the stupid, yet fast, dog to bring it back inside the house but this time to the door of my bedroom.  I quickly shut all doors leading out of my bedroom and waited until my 8 year old got home so he could take care of it.

My husband posted on Facebook how dead he was and the majority suggested he buy me a pair of shoes.

As luck would have it, I had a new pair that I was saving as a reward for something.  (I buy myself rewards before I figure out how I’m earning them because I’m more motivated to do something- anything- then.)

They were incredibly expensive shoes (for me.  Not Jimmy Choo expensive.  But more than Nordstrom Rack.)  I was saving them for something big.

But I’ve decided to listen to the people and wear them as a reward for battling an elk hoof and coming out alive.

That elk has ended up being the most expensive chew toy my dog has ever had.

(Although you may think I would be willing to go through this again for another pair of shoes, you would be wrong.  I would much rather earn them by finishing a manuscript or running a half marathon.  Or getting a minimum wage job and saving up.)

The shoes deserve their own web page so expect to see them soon.

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How CrossFit Increases Spirituality

Today, my husband and I finished the intro for CrossFit.

Congratulations to us!

Except

I don’t want to do the real class.  The intro classes scared me to death.  It was hard.  Really hard.  And there were a lot of squats.  More than necessary.  I don’t care how many times Kyle tells us it’s an everyday activity.  No one does that many squats in any everyday activity I know of.  And if you do, you should just stay down.

And I promise to never do another activity that makes me squat then throw a ball against a wall.  Especially an activity that makes me do that over and over for five minutes.

It really hurts.

I don’t like pain.

And now I’m working out every day of the week and then praying during the weekend.

I’m a writer.  I’m supposed to have soft, uncalloused hands and carpal tunnel syndrome.

But next week, we start the real class.

I guess I’ll be praying on week days too, then.

(I would include a picture, but my phone is on the ground and I can’t squat down to get it right now.)

An Update on my Foot

I am doing this:

IMG_3684When I should be doing this:

My friend sent me this photo. I have no idea from where but if you know the original source, I'd like to be their friend.

My friend sent me this photo. I have no idea from where but if you know the original source, I’d like to be their friend.

I am also in physical therapy but that doesn’t make as exciting a picture as acupuncture.  And that is where I am off to right now.

Save an ice pack for me.

(And Don’t Forget to Enter tomorrow to win Fishbowl on Audible. It’s a great book to listen to while driving to Montana.)

When Life Gives You Anxiety, Make Toast

For a blog to be successful, you are supposed to have a specific topic you stick to.  I would say that my topic is “Life;” not exactly narrow.

I think I’ve narrowed my topic in my head.  I don’t normally write too much on current topics.  (I don’t want to be taken as an authority on anything.)  I occasionally write on pop culture.   (Focusing on teen series of the 80’s and 90’s and Simon Baker.)

But generally this blog is about my life and the absurdity of life in general.

Occasionally something happens that is so absurd, so stupid that I actually react negatively to it (Hello Anxiety) and I can’t write about it.  All the while wanting to write about it.   (Just go with it. It’s much easier than trying to figure it out.)

Something like that happened Sunday.  I tried to help a difficult situation and instead escalated it.  I would compare it to thinking I was lighting a candle but instead it turned out to be dynamite.  A woman yelled at me.  And then yelled at everyone.  It was intense.

That’s all I can say.  I don’t do well with conflict.  I understand she has mental illness, but that doesn’t stop me from being mad.  I can’t run out my anger because of my foot and I can’t write out my anger because I don’t have words yet.

It’s times like these I wish this blog had more of specific topic.

That’s why I’m going to turn it into a Food Blog with recipes.

Tomorrow we start with toast.

All recipes will be able to be paired nicely with a vintage Diet Pepsi.

All recipes will be able to be paired nicely with a vintage Diet Pepsi.

Hot Namaste

Hot Yoga is a fascinating experience. You try to wrap your body around itself while being sweaty and slippery. Supposedly if you intertwine your fingers a certain way then they don’t slip apart. I haven’t mastered that. I haven’t even apprenticed it.

This was my second time doing hot yoga and I think I’m getting better. I drank way less of my sweat this time. I still can’t hold any pose very well or very long, but I’m drinking less sweat.

And I lost .5 lbs in body water. I think I gained it back within an hour of finishing because I drank 5 gallons of water, but it’s that one hour that counts.

I went with Susan.  She’s willing to be dragged places and try questionable activities.  (Helpful qualities if I have you on speed dial.)  Neither one of us really knew what we were doing.

We tried to hide it by bringing our own mats.  They were brand new.  But wrong.  Ours cost $7.  Hot Yoga mats go for over $70.  There’s a difference.

Mine even had a special prize when I unrolled it.

You can feel how Zen she is just by looking at her

All Yogis WISH they had a mat like this.

My other favorite part was walking outside and freezing in 75 degree weather. It makes a person appreciate Arizona more.

But I am so tired now; I just want to nap. And it’s not because yoga is relaxing. That’s a misnomer. It’s because every muscle in my body had to be in a different position than relaxed (I’m never “engaging” a muscle again) and it had to hold that position. SO TIRING. My shoulders hurt just thinking about releasing them.

Of course, I’m going to go back. I’m determined to spend a whole hour and not drink my sweat once.

I’m hoping to accomplish that by 2018.

Maybe I’ll have a new fitness goal by then.

Stupid Plantar Fasciitis

I signed up for the Disneyland Tinkerbell half marathon.  Two of my friends decided to go with me.

Then I got plantar fasciitis.  So I stopped running and now I’m trying to train on an elliptical and bike.  My two friends keep running.

I want to finish all together and have fun and not be exhausted so we can spend the rest of the day just enjoying life.  And eating whatever we want afterwards because we just ran and burned 15 million calories.

And if I don’t burn 15 million calories, I won’t feel like I can eat whatever I want.  And, really, what is the point of entering a race if you can’t stuff your face after?

I entered this race two days after my miscarriage when I decided I didn’t want to be around for Mother’s Day.  So why not run a race?  I’ll get back into shape, lose weight, get endorphins, have something to concentrate on.

But my body said no and I developed foot pain and now I have to work out around it.  I will probably be walking 13.1 miles and that’s just stupid.  I did that last year and I did not handle it well.  (I pouted the whole time I drank my frozen hot chocolate and ate three cupcakes.)

I don’t want to walk this race.

I want to jog this race very, very slowly.

Like the true athlete I am.

Even my spray tan is sad.  It's crying.

Even my spray tan is sad and crying.

Wearing Heels for Weight Control

I’m back on Weight Watchers. I hate eating right and being healthy. I’m addicted to sugar. It’s a wonderful, natural plant. It can even be organic. (I just have a feeling I rarely eat it in an organic form. I prefer it to be in holiday form. A heart, or a bunny, or a pumpkin.)

But I gained weight and I want to lose it so I can wear my clothes and be light and carefree.

Okay. I really want to get back into the skirts that go with the heels I own.

Shoes are very inspiring.

If you need to lose weight, I recommend buying a pair that goes with a skirt you need to lose 10 lbs to fit into. And then hang those shoes on your refrigerator.

I’m doing fairly well. I’ve lost over 10 lbs. (Really not that much. I was rather bloated after the surgery, but that’s when I did my first weigh in and because I knew the first five lbs would fall off and make me feel good. You gotta do what you gotta do.)

But there always seems to be 10 lbs more. That’s the problem with weight. You always have some.

That is why my goal is not to have a perfect body.

My goal is to look incredibly hot in my heels.

And to be active enough in life that I don’t fall over when I’m wearing them.

(Which is fairly active for a couple pair… If I’m perfectly honest.)

If you want to lose 15 lbs, add these glasses.

If you want to lose 15 lbs, add these glasses.