For about a month, I was paralyzed when I tried to write. I wasn’t sure if I should write fiction or personal essay or what.
I always seem to write about women and things women deal with. I think this is because I’m a woman dealing with things.
But I could be wrong.
So I’m writing about women dealing with life based on some real life experiences. It’s a huge miss-mash and mostly dialogue, but I’m writing. And that’s the point.
But I don’t understand the motivations for one character and I don’t know what to do about it
One of my characters had an affair. I am not happy about this. I don’t know if I’m mad she had an affair because she was married and the guy she had an affair with was married and that’s just wrong or if I’m mad because I don’t like her as a character. Is there something wrong with her innately? Or am I upset at her actions? If I were friends with her when she had the affair, would I be more understanding? Or am I more upset because I’m friends with the character who was married to the guy she chose to hook up with? Or is it all 3? Or was that 4?
I have no idea.
But I do know that the words are coming and I look forward to writing. I am going to have to edit out quite a few “I wanted to punch her in the face” sentence fragments, but that’s not for a while.
(Before you think I’m overly violent, I am borrowing that phrase from a friend who will punch you in the face if you tell her you are eating clean. I don’t think she likes the phrase “eating clean.” But maybe she just likes punching people in the face. Hard to know.)
In fact, there is going to be so much editing, I’m not thinking about it. Half of what I’m writing will end up on the cutting room floor. The subject of the piece has already changed from the affair being the central theme to being a stay at home mom being more the central theme… And how vulnerable stay at home moms are.
And because that’s becoming a central theme, I think the affair upsets me even more.
What do you think about affairs? Do you think it would matter if you were friends with someone who had one? Would you be more understanding? Would you end the friendship? Would you maintain the friendship to try to “help” your friend? Would it matter if your friend was single and the guy was married or if your friend was married and the guy was single? If both were married? Is there ever a reason to make it okay?
It’s all just so confusing. I’m going to watch The Bachelor and see if it enlightens me.
I like to run while watching Scandal. I pretend I’m running away from the bad guys. Which is kind of everyone on that show. It’s a great motivator.
For those of you who have never seen the show, I thought I’d do a generalized post on what I’ve learned over the last few seasons.
1. Do not sleep with the President of the United States.
2. Do not marry the President of the United States. (You would think this would be related to #1 but, alas, it is not.)
3. Do not be related to the President of the United States.
4. Do not work for the President of the United States.
5. Do not meet the President of the United States.
6. In fact, avoid Washington D.C. completely.
There. I hope this has been helpful and hasn’t dashed too many dreams. I know #1 had been on my bucket list but I’ve decided to replace it with “Take a Cruise Down the Danube.” Seems safer.
Well, I’m off to go running again. I believe I have a few Vampire Diaries to catch up on. I can’t wait to find out what I learn from them.
Yesterday, CNN royally ticked me off. I guess not CNN personally, but the anchors did. I was listening on the radio and I don’t remember their names but it was at about 8:30am MST. It was two women. Maybe three. One interviewed the mayor of Atlanta. And then one of them said:
“No one will accept the blame.”
These women interviewed someone stuck at a Walgreens for 18 hours and they asked:
“Who do you blame?”
They talked about blame all morning. The Walgreens person said:
“I do wish the dept. of transportation worked better but it was also my fault for getting in my car and underestimating the weather.”
I wanted to meet this woman because I liked her. And she wasn’t falling for these women’s blame game.
I’d listened to these three women talk about blame for 15 minutes until I couldn’t take it anymore. What good were they doing by trying to blame people? People were stranded in their cars and all these anchors were trying to do was blame.
I would have much more respect for these women if they’d gotten out of their studio and instead of talking about who was to blame and why no one would accept the blame, they walked the streets handing out food.
It was WEATHER. It sucked. It was horrible. But if you’re angry about it, go help someone instead of trying to blame everyone.
I had to go to my doctor recently. She pointed out that I hadn’t had a physical in about 2.5 years. I said, “Really? But I seem to be at the doctor’s a lot. Or at least once a year.
Just not for a physical.
Because health care is constantly in the headlines, I’d thought I’d pipe up. Of course this has nothing to do with how much you pay for it, but what happens and when.
I think anytime my blood is taken, all tests should be run. Just take enough and get it all done. Put it in my file and everyone’s happy.
I had surgery a year ago for my little mountain biking slip-up. I was already unconscious and a doctor was there. I say make sure I’m healthy sometime during the four-hour surgery. Makes sense to me and saves time.
I can answer any questions when I wake up and a little drowsy. I’m more honest then anyhow.
And I think you can tell if I’m obese whether or not I stand on a scale. Or that can be one of the questions you ask when I’m drowsy. Although I think even my subconscious would lie. Might be better to ask how many truckers gave me a little nod at the Flying J.
Because if we were all being honest, 80% of us would rather be passed out during a physical anyhow. And the 20% have other issues.
Here is the completely unnecessary background story:
So on Friday, my training was to run 7.1 miles. I had the whole season of Rizzoli and Isles on DVR. But I turned on my cable and it didn’t work. I had to get a new cable box which meant a clean DVR. So I decided to buy the season online, because I can think of few things worse than running 7.1 miles without destraction. But then my Blue-ray didn’t work so I couldn’t watch it on my TV. So I balanced my Ipad on the treadmill for 7.1 miles. And I tried not to run too loudly.
Oh. And background, background story: My husband thinks the microwave is broken but it works for me which makes me think it likes me more.
And before I went running I was on an ichat for 40 minutes to be told to plug my blue-ray into a different TV (which we don’t have.) I was told this twice and then the helpful person ended the conversation. And then I called and was told it was broken. After 40 more minutes. So I was in a bad mood. And that was BEFORE I started running.
And then I watched Rizzoli and Isles and Rizzoli’s mom told her to think of 3 good things for every bad thing she thought.
And this is what I thought:
- I don’t have to run 8 miles for one more week.
- I have chocolate in my freezer.
- TV shows solve most of life’s dilemmas in less than 45 minutes.
You should try this next time you have a bad thought. It really works. Until the microwave won’t pop a simple bag of popcorn.
I think I’m having an existential crisis again. But I’m not completely sure. Mostly because I’m a little confused on what an existential crisis is.
If what I think it is is what it is then I am. And if it’s not what I think it is and it’s annoying you that I’m using this phrase, then the rest of this post is just going to make you more annoyed so I think you should google “blogs that use the word existential correctly.” And we’ll see you later.
But you should come back. I’m listening to a class on Waterfront law issues and I’m sure I’ll have amazing things to write about afterwards.
I’m just sad it’s only 5 hours.
I think I’m watching too much bad teen television. (I’m open to suggestions on good teen television.) It’s making me question my life: thus my use of existential. (I threw in thus just in case anyone who didn’t like my use of the word existential hung around. I find a good thus solves many problems.)
I recently spoke to a friend of mine I hadn’t spoken with for a year or so. Whenever I talk to someone I haven’t for a while, I ponder how we met. (thus + ponder = appeasement) After I hung up, I thought about how I got to know her because I knew her boyfriend first and then we all clicked and I hung out with the two of them. It wasn’t a big deal. I believe at the time I was overcoming an over-sized crush on an unobtainable man. (This description may also be coming from teen television.) And then I thought about it some more and watched a couple episodes of Teen Wolf and realized that for 6 months of my life, I was the third wheel. (Lightening should be going off in the background and Vincent Price should’ve read that last line.)
I’m not sure how I could’ve missed that for almost 20 years. I feel like I’ve been living a lie. I’m not sure what the lie would be because I do remember being invited and not inviting myself and I think it only happened 3 or 4 times BUT I do think this proves one thing: I need to watch more teen television.
FYI: Orange is the new apostrophes, underlining of proper nouns, and italics.
I am addicted to a show called Endgame. (Some of you may be noticing that I am addicted to a lot of TV shows. I would like you to know that I don’t drink or do drugs. Therefore, I must find my addictions elsewhere and I’ve chosen TV shows and Diet Pepsi.) (But I really do appreciate the concern.)
This show is about an agoraphobic Chess master who lives in a hotel. It’s a Canadian program that you can only find on Hulu in the U.S. I found it while I had the flu a few weeks ago.
I’m not sure why I like it. I don’t really play chess unless my son makes me and the first time I played chess, it was a huge failure.
I was on a double date, sort of. I was out with a friend, we will call Justin, whose roommate wanted to date my friend, we will call Kim. Does that make sense? Justin and I were very platonic, insert 18 yr old love sick sigh. But Justin’s roommate really, really wanted to call what we were on a double date. So we did.
He taught Kim how to play chess. They played for 45 minutes (we were in line to see Cyrano de Bergerac with Gérard Depardieu. The line was 1.5 hours long.) She had never played before. I think he explained the game very carefully to her. He then asked if I would like to play. I said yes. He told me how the pieces moved but didn’t really go over the object of the game too well. He told me that “Check” meant you were about to get the King. Well, from that information, it’s only natural to assume “Checkmate” means you are about to get the Queen. (Think about it for a minute and it will come to you.) I lost in 10 minutes.
It was a little humiliating.
Maybe I like Endgame because the main character knows how to play chess and has a psychological disorder and due to my humiliation, I would like to think the two things go together.
(And yes it is time I got over that experience, but my 9 year old son recently beat me so the wound is still fresh.)
I’ve mentioned before, I’m addicted to the show Justified. It is such a different life than I’m used to; I love to watch it and wonder if people really do live this way.
The show is based on books by Elmore Leonard about a federal marshal in Kentucky. I can’t decide if I have a crush on Raylan Givens, or Timothy Oliphant who plays Raylan Givens. (These are the type of deep thoughts that keep me up at night.)
When I discovered the show, I had missed a few episodes and watched them in a marathon. After a while I started to believe that bribing people is a good way to get people to do what you want.
And if they don’t, you shoot them.
Sometimes I forget this might not apply to me because I’m not the head of an illegal organization and my family does not support itself by growing medicinal plants.
I’m married to a dentist. I don’t think anyone has ever made a show or written a book featuring dental mafia. I guess I could threaten root canals but the drills aren’t really portable so I would have to get the people to come to me and sit in a brightly colored chair with stuffed animals on the walls and TV’s playing Rio in the ceiling. I don’t think it would be the same.
I do look at my friend Sarah, who’s from Kentucky, a little different. Especially when she makes me brownies.
I have decided to make writing my job. I read these two posts on wordbitches and Kristen Lamb’s blog, both on treating writing like a job and realized that I owe it to myself and to my family, really, to take myself more seriously. Instead of a word count, I will be working on hours a day. I want a part time job of 20 hours a week. I have to take what I really and truly want more seriously. I want to write. So I start my new job on Monday.
The other job I am giving myself is to get in shape. I will be 40 in a year. I have written about how excited I am about this. When I mentioned in my book group that I was dreading my birthday, they asked me if it was my 30th. They drink wine during book group. A LOT of wine. But I must say I take pretty good care of my skin. I’m masking right now.
My friend Elena Aitken gave me a workout schedule to run a 5k in March and doing something with weights on off days. It may actually kill me. Right now, the only part of my body that doesn’t hurt is my fingers. Otherwise I would not be able to type this. Which is good because I’m starting my other job on Monday.
But between these two things, I’ve got to cut down on something. I jog while watching TV or I do laundry while studying medicine (by watching House or Grey’s Anatomy. Their medical experts are the closest I will get to medical school.)
So I can keep TV and laundry. I don’t clean my house now so I can’t really give that up.
I think personal hygiene may have to go because at my age it takes a REALLY long time to look good. You have to keep masks on for ten minutes and then rinse AFTER you have already washed your face. It’s a whole extra step.
I also think giving it up will give me more time to write because no one will want to be around me. But like most artists, I will sacrifice for my art.
Went through my pictures and thought this might be ok to represent bad hygiene.
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Tagged blogging, Elena Aitkin, exercising, Grey's Anatomy, House, hygiene, job, joggin, Kristen Lamb, masquing, tv, wordbitches, writing